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ADRONITIS

Only a phrase resounds in my head, “I’m sorry “ .If you ask me, I don’t know for what exactly. No, I don’t particularly have any regrets, but I definitely feel the absence of your youthful presence.Your courage, I immediately admired, saying you loved me , investing so much time to that effectgave so much to know me , and you still had all for loss.
If only I knew me, I’ve never quite deciphered what this creature “Me” is about. When you ask me , who exactly I am, what I want, what my spec is, or what captivates me; All these questions, lead me to a door, that may lead to a possible answer, walking through this door with all excitement to find you these answers, I am only welcomed by the barricade of yet another door and another.
Forgive me, forgive my inability to love you back, I do not know how to. I do not know what “ Right” is right or might be wrong.
Pardon me for shutting the door against any acknowledgement of your love, I’m just skeptical, reality in itself might not be real, and the word “ Love” in itself might be synonymous to hurt, deceit and hate.
I see your back now, walking away with all determination, because you finally see, the things I couldn’t bring myself to tell you; that I’m not that one, I’m not worthy of this love of yours and you cannot discern my complexities , you never will, I can’t myself.
I replay your last words to me and the coldness with which they were relayed , I replay the words you first blurted out and the gleaming passion in your eyes. The story wouldn’t have been any different , I am still a puzzle , laid back, not able to fix itself. So let me be, that lone warrior, whose appearance is as a dove, but whose rigours is as the troubled sea’s.
You have shown me that I am not without any emotions, a cold heart .I feel my heart’ s hurt in every word I scribble down. You have opened yet another door, I thought was lost in oblivion, and for this, I pledge my gratitude from the other side.
Written by Folasade Edun

 

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DRAGS AND PUFFS

Promise me, dear child that when the tide rolls in strong enough to sink your head and the vibe to carry on you no longer have, you would find no solace in the open arms of the white element wrapped in the end product of the tress, lit only by a match or better still the sticks that have been improved upon by the intellectualism of the son of Adam transferred into beings with no soul but strong enough to consume the offspring of man amd render him into oblivion.
Promise me, dear child that when you are offered to take a drag even as they come in different flavors for one to savor, you would gracefully decline by stomping your feet upon it walking on with your head held high and looking back at it no more.
For in it dear child, you would spend your cash, money, kudi, ego but it would do only momentary good to your ego. For in it dear child, you would be promised to soar on high upon wings of an eagle but not the super eagles. For in it dear child, you would be promised sharper reflexes but by the time the effects wear out…examples given to you on the board you shall miss. For in it dear child you would be promised the ability to visit places without even buying a ticket or obtaining a visa but I assure you the only transport you would be getting is a one way ticket to Belial. For the very essence of your living it would become and without it you would be not able to derive a meaning for your life for dependent you would heave become on it. For everytime you take a drag and savor the moment, puffing out rings either through your mouth or nose, you puff out your life right before your very eyes albeit in rings.
For when nature comes calling in the form of spasms wrecking your entire being to its very core and causing tears to cascade down your now wrinkled face and you go running to the physician’s for help, he would only in return give you an unending list of names unheard of in my days offering you no help whatsoever to them for no help can be rendered. 
For by then you would sit by the fireplace, weak, wasted, spent and out of you would flow streams of resentment for the white element, but jeer at you it would in return for it has consumed your very essence of being.
Promise me, dear child that you would hearken to these words uttered from the blackened lips and yellowed teeth charred by savoured moments of taking a drag here and a puff there. This I tell you dear child, for I know of one who does not drag but alas is the most high.

                                           Yours Truly,

                                           Tales of the Phoenix. 

                                          

 
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Posted by on May 24, 2017 in Metanoia, Opinion

 

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A MERRY VILLAGE CHRISTMAS

Final part of the series

So here I am, tied to a pole like a goat waiting to be killed or whatever the masquerades decide to do to me. I take some time to think about my life. It hasn’t been a bad one. School was lit(sometimes), I had good friends and we had had awesome times. My family was great and I’ll miss them, if spirits could feel. The tears are flowing freely now. 
The masquerades come back and inspect me while they talked in low tones. I hoped they didn’t torture me. That would be terrible. I hoped they just cut off my head at once so I could feel no pain. I read somewhere that it was easier that way. 

Suddenly, a man rushes in, startling the masquerades. That surprised me. Weren’t they spirits? Why were they scared? He shouted some weird things and moved towards me. The spirits didn’t make a move. I have never been so confused in my life. He takes a long knife out of his jacket and puts it on my neck. He opens his big mouth and bellows;

JORDAN!!!

I open my eyes slowly, my heart beating fast. What does this man want? 

I trudge to the living room, back bent, eyes half closed. “yes dad?” “You and your sister should sweep the yard immediately”. I sighed. “Yes Sir”. 

Now I’ll never know if I died. Wouldn’t have been a bad thing, considering the current circumstances. 

Written By Joshua Nwabuikwu

 
 

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A LIVID LULLABY

At that moment,I don’t care if you’re a friend,

An enemy or just in my way.

At that point,

Your name doesn’t matter,

Your job doesn’t either.
It usually begins softly,

Some teasing and name calling,

Maybe if it’s a great day,

Some accusations will flow.

If not, 

It continues.
I’ll say something wrong,

And you’ll say something worse,

It flows,

The banter,

Up until the point when we can never go back.
I’ll see red and talk smut,

You’ll egg me on and,

I’ll be charmed,

The name calling and the jest,

Secrets outed and dirty laundry,

Stripped down to the last.
Like a moth to flames,

I’ll be enchanted,

I’ll never let it go.

Not until the fire consumes me.
My name is Vera and I’m an angry person

Titilope Adedokun

 

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TRUTH OR WASH?

Good evening people. First things first. If this ‘holiday’ is not going as planned for you, then the Blog Committee is here to rescue you. If you are, however, enjoying the holiday on the other hand…. lol kindly indulge us please.
Okay. How many of us strongly remember that Eldee’s ‘Wash Wash‘ song back in 2011? You do? Chai! My sister you need to get married and FAST! age is no longer on your side.
Anyway, this article is based loosely around the ‘wash‘ concept. Now we all know what a ‘wash‘ is. All those supposedly little white lies and ‘formats’ that we all drop once in a while, just to feel bad ass. Relax! We all do it and it’s truly nothing to feel ashamed of.
As Law students, we present ourselves as the “crème-de-la-crème” of the entire University of Lagos society. And it’s true of course…for the most part. Sometimes however, our crème (cream) is just a little bit spoilt and rotten.
This article is dedicated to all those little lies and washes that go hand-in-hand with our black and white, well polished brogues, beautiful hairstyles and gigantic, over priced textbooks.
The rules are simple: Just Drop A Wash. That’s it. Drop a wash in the comment box. A popular wash. A funny wash. One that hits you close to home. One that irritates you. Any wash whatsoever. We’re basically giving you an opportunity to vent and rant. You can even include the name of the person who’s known for dropping that particular wash, along with the wash (if you get the mind shaa).
For example:
Year4 student running for LSS President: “I’ve never had a carryover before. Ah! Yes o, only A’s and B’s. And I don’t even know where the Law Library is”
LMUN person who’s never spoken to you before: “ahn ahn, my guy how far nw? How’s your dad? And your mum? And your brother? And sister? And your second brother? And that your roommate? What about your studies? Anyway, have you heard that LMUN…”
That popular Head of Chamber/ Association: ” Ah! You have to join my Chamber. It’s the best Chamber. In fact, we’re just the best everything. Yes! 200 internships every holiday. You know nw. That’s just how we do. Price of form? It’s just 1K bros”
I’m sure you all get the general idea. So please, fill up the comments section with all the ‘Faculty of Law‘ washes you can think of. Let’s all laugh away Company Law, Land Law, Criminal Law and Contract. Please ehn, let them be as funny, thought provoking and reasonable as you can think of. Don’t forget reasonable o, cos when someone is stabbing you behind Jaja hostel, we shall not be there to save you.
Finally, with the way this thing has been hyped, all the ‘Chaos‘ and ‘chaos is coming‘ everywhere, you’re probably expecting a prize or something for the comment with the most views/likes. lol sorry about that. No vex. Stop expecting please, there’s no money for prize giving in this economy abeg.
So go ahead, drop your favorite washes in the comment section, laugh, like, share, move on, come back et cetera. Ejoor!
#ChaosHasCome
Published by Great Opara

For the Blog Team

 
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Posted by on May 5, 2017 in From Us

 

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THE WILD LOUNGE – RANSOM

  “If at first you try (to get help from someone), and fail, then try, try blackmail”- Ignis

     Hi there. We’re gathered here to witness another of the many attributes which make us so….unique, in this country. Before I forge ahead, Happy Easter in arrears, I hope everyone enjoyed their easter bunny like I did mine (trust me, she had a good time).

     Today, I want to engage us on something some of us probably already know about. So, some while back, I heard about the story of a young woman who pleaded with a certain man of God to help deliver her from her prostitution, which is an otherwise very respectable profession, and I wonder why I don’t see it in Linked In profiles. Anyway, the man of God, together with his wife, did what he could to save the woman. But, unfortunately, the woman assumed she had seen “awoof” and therefore decided to press for more. Upon hearing that nothing more could be done for her, she resorted to classic Nollywood blackmail. Herself and her boyfriend. I honestly don’t know what to say on the matter because I know women blackmail people of repute, you know, just so people can talk about them, and the men in turn, whether they’re involved or not, will deny involvement. So, I will attack the woman. Attack her because of all the kinds of men she could mess around with, she chose a “man of God”, and of all men of God, one in charge of a ministry named “Omega Fire Ministries“?? Like what was she even thinking?? She literally went to play with fire. I mean, we all know that pastors and church leaders are among the richest and most comfortable in this country (as a result of the fact that every service rakes in unimaginable amounts of money. Some for honest Christian endeavors, others, well…), but nothing is more stupid than to bring such a game to a ministry with the word “fire” in it. Nigerians don’t use “fire” anyhow, so if you hear “fire” then that’s what it is. And now she’s been burned. Wait, I heard the man, upon hearing the lady’s threats, actually told her to bring it on, and she still did. Hian. I think she should have tried something better like maybe actually doing the act, then having a child by him, that would’ve been destructive. These days, empires are brought down with a lot more than just trying to induce someone into paying you off. I don’t even get it, if nothing happened, then where’s the blackmail?? This story just messes with my head! Anyways, the bone of contention for me has never been the story behind the blackmail, no, no. The fact that the apostle wants to sue, and rightfully so, is what intrigues me.

    The media reported that this Man of God is demanding a billon naira in damages for having exposed him unduly, and having defamed him. It’s quite unusual, for men of God with such spiritual acumen as the man in question, to bother taking up a case like this in court, especially since the lady’s family had confirmed that their daughter is a mentally unfit person, and that the allegations were wrong, I’d expect the apostle to release a statement telling us something like “My God has fought my battles. I am vindicated” that sorta thing, but plaintiff in a court case? Rare. Very rare. As if it’s not enough that the apostle is taking up the case in court, he’s demanding a billion! And if you ask me, I’ll say it’s what Yoruba people call “aseju“. I mean, who has a billion naira to pay in damages?? In Nigeria?? If the Lady was so buoyant, would we even be here?? The truth is that the Apostle’s public relations officer is really good at propaganda and by virtue of that, is dragging this issue farther than is necessary. But then, that’s what Nigerians love. We love revelling in gist. Especially where somebody’s reputation is at risk. The Apostle probably planned this thing with the lady sef, just to entertain you guys, or win souls over to the church, because low key, this has strengthened some people’s faith in Omega Fire Ministries, and you can be sure some extra money is rolling in. On the one billion naira issue though, Apostle needs to calm down, in order not to appear to be starting a blackmail of his own. Nobody in West Africa would give you that much for dragging your name in the mud. Look at our “Jona” for example, we humiliated that man, made nasty memes of him, rubbished him on Twitter, and yet, not a kobo was paid to his account as per damages. He didn’t even bring an action. That’s a man who understands the dynamics of his people. It didn’t matter to him what we did to him and his Dame, he took it in good stride because he already got what he wanted. So, Apostle sir, kindly take a cue, and drop the matter. 

    In other news, the eighth instalment in the Fast and Furious has dropped in Nigeria. Just in time for the semester break. So, enjoy! If I were you though, I’d wait two weeks so I can go with my docket and pay #500 at Ozone for the same experience. 

     By the way, is it true that Baba now works from home??
Written by Mayowa Akinyemi
Published by Great Opara

 
 

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THE WILD LOUNGE – KAMIKAZE

Hi there. I’m Ignis. I welcome you to another serving of twisted versions of “gist” “as e dey hot”. Let me just
briefly introduce what’s on the menu for today. I know at least 60% of you don’t know the meaning of the topic
for today. That’s to show that you need more time on the Thesaurus than on your snapchat. Hopefully, you can
grasp the message from the writeup. If you’re still waiting for an intro, you just missed it.

Okay, so, the business of today. About a week ago, precisely Sunday, I heard some rather disturbing news of
someone who jumped off the Third Mainland Bridge. It wasn’t disturbing because it was a suicide, as you all
know that’s not my business. One less depressed person on the same traffic lane with me. But it was disturbing
because I keep hearing people talking about suicide and self destruction and such things like it’s supposed to be
a solution to a certain problem. I mean take for example people who go about cutting themselves and hurting
themselves because someone called them “fat” or “ugly“. Ogbeni till today, there’s someone that still calls me
kebab” because of my legs. And I didn’t die. And I wouldn’t die. Not because of that. Now, let me just ask you
this, what could be so wrong with you that you would want to kill yourself?? Recession? Poor grades? Lost your
virginity (any how that happened)? Lost a job? You’re not alone! I’m sorry but I can’t relate to someone taking
their own life because they had some “serious” problem. Did you know that to every problem lies a variety of
solutions excluding suicide?? It’s like some people don’t know how hard it is for a person to let go of his life.
Even if you haven’t seen it happen to a person (like I have), try killing an animal and see how it is. Don’t worry, in
this part of the world, there are no rules prohibiting you from killing an animal at your discretion.

Back to the
suicide issue, I still am yet to see that problem that only death can solve. I mean, taking your own life is just
cowardly. Giving up just like that. Leaving so many people behind with burdens of grief, serious pain, some guilt,
and maybe even starting another chain of suicides. If you feel you’re going through one phase that nobody has
ever been through, or one phase that’s too much to bear, please, go see a therapist, or white garment “alagba”.
But then, some people don’t even want to hear any advice because they’ve made up their minds that taking their
life is the ultimate solution. Well, everything boils down to choice. If what you want is to end your life, feel free.
Leave the struggle for the rest of us that don’t know where the throat is. Or those of us that are totally happy and
without problems. Leave us here, and go on to that place where you (think you) will have rest.

It’s alright. I mean
who am I to judge? We’re all low key committing suicide somehow. Yes. Doing a course that’s probably not
meant for us. Paying for BQ through our noses. Trying to look rich without necessarily having any bar. It is slow,
but steady suicide. Even I writing this, am committing a form of suicide because some people will read my stuff
and slam me for being insensitive. To quote a certain Law lecturer, “Sorry about that“. Like I always say, this
Lounge permits very little show of any sensitivity. I’m supposed to be blunt, and unapologetically so.

Suicide, as aforementioned, is a thing of choice. It is also a demonic something, but, what do I know about
spirituality? Probably very little. But I know this: there are two solutions to every problem in life. The physical
(therapy), and spiritual (holy cane). However, where there is a case of someone who would rather just give it all
up instead of giving their all, hanging down from something instead of just hanging in, please, and please, leave
such a person be. Such has made his mind up. It is advisable not to feed or clothe such a person though. Things
are now so costly abeg. Make sure they have no Internet access. Shey, they want to die abi? And most
importantly, do not give them a notepad and pen, because they’ll just write a couple of words (ultimately
insulting your intelligence, and ability to have a more positive impact on their life, low key subbing you for being
one of the reasons they have to kill themselves) and call it suicide note.

I think I’ve already written enough to make my point. Anything more than this and I’ll be labelled a maniac. So,
plix, on this note, I rest my case.
I’ve done what I can. It just isn’t worth it anymore. I wish I could go on, but I can’t. Please don’t cry for me. And don’t feel guilty either. It is not your fault. It’s just me. I’m sorry, but this is the best way. Goodbye.“- my Land law
textbook.

By the way, I don’t know maybe it’s just me, but I feel like the case of the girl that died after returning “from
seeing man
” was not properly reported in the newspapers. And I wonder if the man had anything to do with it?

Written By Mayowa Akinyemi

 
 

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