Forr most people, Christmas is a season of good cheer, of movies, of cinemas, of eateries of many treats and delights. For me, Christmas means going home, going home means going to church, a lot. It so happens that Christmas and new year seem to never fall on Sundays so we go to church on the Sunday before Christmas, return in the evening for the carol, then go on Christmas day (which will look like a sunday) but then sunday actually comes and you return to church again and within a day or two it’s 31st night, no Hollywood countdown and kiss for me, no watching the new year come up with the moon, cozy in the warmth the bae, nope. It’s cross over service for me, we shall be feverishly ‘kabashing’ into the new year. And you have to sleep immediately you get home because 9 a.m. in the morning is New Year Service! Happy New Year.
Hehee, I’m not complaining, in this spree of unending services and sermons, something usually sticks, this year it’s ‘Fear not,’ there is usually ‘for I am with you,’ but what stuck is ‘fear not’.
Fear NOT: Not, is a very dangerous word, it’s the reason why a lot of potential goes down with the corpse, one can say it is the ear wax that makes the proverbial fly of ability follow the dead body to the grave. One does not achieve what one has said he can not achieve. When you declare that you cannot, you will not. And can you imagine what a knot of embarrassment it will be when people believe you can, but you know you cannot? So, fear not, especially when the ‘not’ comes with a can, even if it’s called can nuts. In fact especially can nuts! Because…
Fear NUT: Nuts are fun as snacks, rich in important nutrients such as protein, fiber and iron, nuts are a snack you can eat every day without guilt. That said, eating large amounts of nuts can easily lead to weight gain, yes, weight gain! Yes, they may be rich in heart-healthy mono unsurated fat. But even nutritious fats contain more than double the calories of carbohydrates or protein, so cashew nuts (for instance) pack a hefty caloric punch. Just 1 ounce of dry-roasted cashews contains 163 calories; eat 1 cup (easy to do when snacking straight from the bag) and you’ll have consumed 786 calories, nearly 40 percent of what you need in a 2,000-calorie diet. When you eat more calories than your body needs for energy, it stores the excess as body fat, and you gain weight. So fear nuts! Especially when they are canned, we all know the evils of canned food, now imagine excess nuts, in cans! I can nut!
Fear NOT: Seeing as we just talked about the disadvantages of eating just nuts or having only nuts, I wonder at those who are less privileged, the ones who do Not have, the ones who can only afford groundnuts three times a day, or those who the only spice in their daily routine of soaked garri is the 10 naira groundnut, or those who can only eat what they pluck, like cashew nuts. The mere thought is driving me nuts. And I blame it on our economy! Our terrible leaders who do not know what it means to not have money, who do not know the fear of Not having! They scramble for national cakes and creams at the top while those at the floor of the food chain go crazy with hunger! No wonder they are called ground nuts! And it is no coincidence that in Nigeria nuts are grown in the North, so…
Fear North: You stand around the vendor’s shop chewing your cashew nuts and reading the headlines of papers you dare not buy for fear of cash-u-(do)not have and you see the promises made by the political juggernauts towards the 2015 elections and how the pastor and the moslem from the north have teamed up to proffer promises of a better future and it will cost you nothing but your vote! They promise to cash you not, so you smile, flick another cashew nut into your mouth and turn to the next headline. In other news, you read of the reported threat of plans to attack the PDP supporters in the North and you remember the girls that disappeared in the north and you remember that the prevailing terrorist group in Nigeria are in and from the north and you remember that the first bloodbath that led to the civil war happened in the north and you begin to fear north!
Some people will read all these words and only pick up a political fight. Am I saying the present president is the best man? I have not, am I saying do not vote for your Northern candidate? North at all. So chill and don’t go nuts.
Originally Posted on jonesayuwo.wordpress.com