Domestic Violence

Mr and Mrs Uduak have been married for 3years now. At first, their relationship seemed like it was made in heaven but 1year and 6months into the marriage and she couldnt seem to recognise the man in Mr Uduak again. She has had 3 miscarriages already and the reasons are not far fetched…domestic violence.
Mr Uduak does not waste any opportunity of venting his anger over very little things on his wife and what more, he does it physically.

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence involves an act of causing feelings of physical pain, injury or bodily harm to ones spouse or intimate partner. Domestic violence is a form of physical abuse, only this time it is occuring in the home between a couple. It also encompasses emotional abuse but in this article, focus is going to be strictly on physical abuse.

The following are questions that normally arise with this topic:


Should a man physically abuse his wife for any reason?
While i must add here that domestic violence could occur vice versa…ie it could be to either spouse, in the African society it is most commonly the female folks that are affected. A man should never for any reason afflict physical injury on his wife.

What psychological effects does domestic violence have on the affected spouse and the children?


The psychological effects of domestic violence are vast….they could include:
• The violated partner begins to develop a low self esteem.
• Feelings of insecurity by the violated partner.
• Also the parents may not be able to show their children how much they love them, because while the violated spouse (usually the woman) is trying so hard to make amends in the marriage to prevent further incidences, she neglects the children and a lot of distance comes in between them. Also the violating spouse (usually the male) most times ignores the welfare of the children as ‘punishment’ to the woman.
• Domestic violence can also affect the children negatively, in that a lack of trust is developed against the abusive parent. It can also affect the child’s relationship with the opposite sex.  These children now crave the love and attention they cant get from both their parents elsewhere and the effects could be devastating.

What should a woman do if she is being physically abused by her husband?
She should seek help from a psychologist. If possible also, the violating spouse can also undergo therapy and undergo anger management. She could also seek help from family, spiritual leaders.
If domestic violence becomes a threat to life, it is advisable to distance herself from the spouse.

What signs could tell you that a spouse is going to be physically abusive?
While there are no specific tell-tale or warning signs about a physically abusive spouse, a few hints here and there might be able to save you from a disastrous marriage.
In my own opinion, if a man does not show respect to his mother or siblings, then there is a 70% chance that he might be abusive. Also if he gets angry at colleagues alot or is always involved in fisticuffs and also if he does not respect women generally.

I hope this goes a long way in saving people from making the biggest mistakes of their lives.

Every woman should be valued, respected and loved.

Blessing Iyamadiken
Writer, Compere

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