Feb 9

Dear Davy Jones, I am all alone this Valentine. That is it!!! I can’t continue like this, I am getting myself a present. Online shopping to the rescue. J


Feb 12

Dear Davy Jones, the bag came too early. It was supposed to come on Saturday L. The bag is actually useless. Too small for my I.O Smith Aaaarghhh!!! A waste of space. My brother is planning something. I will be damned if I let him drag me into it – ___-


Considering the failure rate in Land law I expected that the textbook will be encrypted or something. I even thought the Professor would be speaking Gaelic. You wouldn’t believe that land law is taught in English. If there was any technical course this year, I think conflict is winning it hands down. So, I am in my room, trying to read “THE BOOK” when my brother saunters in. Without knocking. I count one to thirty in my head before turning around. He doesn’t even let me talk.

‘Yeah, I didn’t knock blah blah blah.’ He raises his hand for effect. ‘Lemme make you an offer you cannot refuse’. I am bored already. Donald’s ideas always fail. I fold my arms and yawn. ‘Mayen, you have to listen. This is going to work. I know you want to go out on Saturday. But mommy and Daddy are going to be at home so that’s not going to happen. But if I tell them we are going to watch a movie, they will allow us go. Then you can go where you want after you deliver something to Phinuella for me.’ I am shaking my head even before he finishes. I point at the door. ‘You are going to go back to your room. Lock my door on your way out and when you are ready to behave you will knock, then I will tell you to come in then we can have this conversation’. I turn my back to him but not before the wheels of my brain begin to fine tune the idea.


Feb 13

Dear Davy Jones, I feel sorry for the Phinuella girl already. First, her parents are wicked for giving her that name. Second, she is my brother’s rebound. He had the audacity to be angry when I pointed that little fact out. Smh.


Timing is everything. I skipped Chambers meeting today. I can’t deal mahn. After my brother’s night shower – he showers, Mr prim and proper – I barge into his room. J But I didn’t bargain for what I am seeing. O_O When did my brother become so grown up? He looks like he is about to cry. ‘What are you standing there for? Put some clothes on or something’. I walk to his bed and throw the clothes on it at him. ‘Now, you know how it feels when you keep barging into my room without knocking’. He murmurs something about never seeing me naked. I burst into laughter. ‘Let’s just say we are even. So, that offer that I wouldn’t be able to refuse? What do you say we become a team?’ For a moment, my brother looks like he has forgiven me. ‘I got a couple’s tickets to one fancy restaurant on They have this Valentine package. Your job is to make sure Mom and Dad accept the gift and go to the restaurant. Then, we can talk about what you want me to deliver to Phinuella. Why can’t you deliver it yourself?’ ‘Phinuella’s Dad is like Dad. He thinks she should have a boyfriend when she is 25.’ We both laugh ‘Okay, this is what we are going to do. After Mum and dad leave tomorrow, you will go to the dustbin in my room, take the Jumia Nylon. Go to mummy’s room; take her invoice book, a biro, and the face cap that they gave her at the shop. Then send Phinuella a text that she must play along tomorrow. If you like, spoil the surprise that is your business. By the way, the tickets cost six k, so you owe me.’


Feb 14

Dear Davy Jones, today I play cupid. Actually, there is nothing in it for me. I wasn’t going to go anywhere. But I better not let Donald know that.  We are on. Mom and Dad actually accepted the gift.


We are just about to leave the house when my phone rings. It is Mummy. Immediately I pick up, she tells me she wants to talk to Donald. Lol. My mum is suspicious. She thinks I am going to go out. ‘We have to stick together. I am certain that Dad will call you soon and ask to speak to me’. I am not much of a driver, been to two different driving schools. I just let Donald drive and pray that no Police officer stops us. He parks two houses away from her house. I hop out of the car and stop in front of the house. It is a block of flats. They live on the first floor.  I put on a dazzling smile as the door opens. I chirp. ‘Good afternoon, I am Julia delivering a package from for Miss Phinuella.’ After checking me out, -_-, he grunts a hello and calls out for Phinuella. She is actually very pretty. Two other guys come to the door like they want to be sure I am from Jumia. One says something like he didn’t think his sister did online shopping. She smiles at me and winks, ‘three big brothers. They think they have my back.’ I take out the invoice and fill it. I put the ID. No as DONald, and I put DEPTMECHENG as the brand name of the shoes. I put the price as 100L – curving the L that it almost looks like an O. She nods and I feel her hands tremble in excitement as I hand her the package. Her brothers are still hovering. Na wa o. Thank God Donald is not here. They will tear the poor boy apart. As she is about to leave, I take out the rose stalk in my hair. ‘ Miss Phinuella, congratulations on being the first Jumia customer on this route on Valentine’s day. This is a small token from Jumia to you. Her brothers come forward. They look suspicious. I continue smiling as I let her hug me. ‘I hope you find the package to your liking. Happy Valentine’s day from everyone at’ Immediately, she shuts the door, I turn around and run for my dear life.


The plan was to wring Donald’s neck when I get to the car. He didn’t tell me she had three huge elder brothers. Thank God none of them remembered the payment on delivery thing. But the grin on his face stops me. He hugs me tightly and says, ‘she just pinged me. I love you Mayen. You are the best sister in the world’. I am short of words.


This has to be the best Val’s gift ever.






Let me tell you a secret -_-
@lapetiteavocat on twitter


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