By Mayowa Folami
You see that’s how one faithful day I woke up determined to change my ways, you see days like that rarely come so I got up early, mind you my definition of early is 11am and dressed up for school, I was sure I already missed class even though Ladi my human alarm had called me several times earlier to wake me up, blame it on my late night romantic and equally funny Korean movies or the fact that I spend hours fantasizing about my celebrity husband or how badly i needed to blow before going to bed in the wee hours of the morning either way I don’t sleep early in fact I was diagnosed with DSD just ask Dr Adegoke if you think I’m lying.
Anyway back to my story, after spending thirty minutes dressing and doing my makeup even that didn’t change me to Rihanna, I finally pushed my lazy ass to school. You see my routine is to walk to the bus stop wait for keke instead of bus because I couldn’t stand sitting near a pack of sweaty people then on getting to school, I met a long queue at the cab line, immediately I put on my pity face walking mindlessly to stand in front of the line, I would just stand there without any courtesy but if I know the person can’t be bullied, I would just say sweetly “please can I stand in your front, I’m late for class”.
Long story short it is my talent to bounce people on the cab line. So on getting to campus, I walked to love garden to meet my dear ol’ friend Ladi, you see the thing about ladi is every time he sees me, he threatens to kill me and if that doesn’t work, he asks for my mum’s number, trust me I avoid the latter, my mother is tired of me as it is. So I agreed to follow him to the library, do I need to say I hate the library, I’m like why so cold in here, why you all serious, how many of you actually reading anyway so there I was reading being the good student I rarely was when I heard thump thump a message came in. It read
” Good day you have been pre selected to be a model for our agency please come to (they wrote the address which was at vi) and reply this message if you would be available.”
I stared at the message for a while, I actually forgot I applied for the agency and I wasn’t sure if I should go because you see I had gone for their casting one time and I was told I was too busty to model, I should try out pageant instead ( mtscheew the effrontery to insult God’s gift), anyway I replied because foolishly I thought twice was a charm (I know I’m wrong but I try to create my own quotes you see).
So let’s fast forward to the day before. To embarrass myself a little I will admit I hardly know anywhere in lagos, you see I have lived here almost all my life but that didn’t stop me from being an omo get inside. So after trying to persuade my uncle to tell a driver to take me to vi which ended up futile, mind you my parents must not know, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I woke up the next morning around 7am, got dressed in a bra perfectly hiding my fair twins and wore a black tank and black high waist jeans packing my heels in my bag, I should have known luck wasn’t on my side that day.
I creeped out of my house and walked to the bus stop to enter a yaba bus. All I kept thinking inside my head was Mayowa you are crazy, going to vi without knowing the way and stabbing an important class. I had only 100 naira airtime on my phone so I called Mr sule, a mechanic on my street asking him for directions and like a mumu, I kept hopping from bus to bus, asking for directions.
When I finally landed at the venue, it seemed all too familiar like I had been there before, I saw some people dressed in the same attire so I followed them in and finally got to where the casting was holding. I entered the room and scanning around, we weren’t up to twenty, here I was thinking luck was on my side, I am such a fool.
After I got my pictures taken by one lenge lenge girl like that, I was called to come and take Polaroids shot (I honestly can’t remember what she called it) by the way, did I forget to mention immediately I entered I spotted some of my instagram followers, one especially my IG crush, half cast and easy on the eyes but being the proud biatch I was, I ignored them. Immediately I climbed up to take my Polaroids, the girl with the cam just said “why are you on blue hair, that’s so tacky next time don’t come to a shoot with blue hair” (e gba mi o what’s wrong with this toothpick legged aunty) I nodded yes but I knew I was already marked.
We were then told to catwalk. I was slightly relieved to see I wasn’t the biggest so the girls went turn by turn and she reassured them that they didn’t need to know how to walk well, she asked them questions like what school are you in and all but when it came to my turn, I walked confidently knowing I was trying my best as I stared eyeball to eyeball with her (yes o I had the audacity) she just looked at me then told me to stay in another side away from the girls (chai I just knew it) then she called me and she said
“You are pretty but you are not high fashion”
Gbam! Alarm bells went off in my head, I blanked out from the rest of the things she was saying, I contemplated a nasty comeback but quickly stuffed it because I was a lady, I grabbed my sneakers, wore it and stomped out of the room making sure to bang the door on my way out.
I stepped out smiling while world war three just started in my head. I kept asking myself these questions
“Did I stab class to hear that? ”
“Was I just embarrassed in front of my instagram followers?”
“Chai me Mayowa Folami pretty but not high fashion”
But mostly importantly I asked myself
“How will I get home?”.