MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER (MPD) – is a mental disorder characterised by the appearance of at least two distinct and relatively enduring identities or dissociated personality states that alternately control a person’s behaviour.
I am not psychotic. I am not insane. I am not a crazy person. These…voices in my head have always been here with me. Telling me stuff. Asking me to do things. Forcing me to do things. But, I am totally in control. I promise. There was this one time though, that incident with Elisabeth. I don’t even remember much of what happened. I blacked out. When I woke up, there was so much blood everywhere. And Elisabeth was lying on the floor, her eyes closed and the knife beside her…I assumed she was resting.
Anyway, it’s Elisabeth so I really don’t feel sorry for whatever may or may not have happened. She was such a tease, always leading me on and then leaving me high and dry. She got what was coming to her.
Don’t look at me that way, I am NOT crazy. I swear it. But I can feel the voices getting stronger, louder. The voices in my head that tell me to do things, both the good and the bad. Now, don’t get me wrong, I want the voices to get louder. They keep me company in my darkest moments, and I crave the wisdom they bestow on me. Wisdom of the gods. I want them to get louder. Louder, but not too loud. I have to remain in control. I’m scared that if they get too loud, other people might hear them and try to take them from me.
I want you to understand. I NEED you to understand. But to do that, I have to introduce my voices to you. No! On second thought, I’ll let them introduce themselves. I’ll let you meet them. I’ll show them to you, some of them at least. Then maybe you’ll understand. Maybe you won’t think I’m crazy anymore…
Hey. I am not the first or the last. I am neither the greatest nor the least. I’m just your good old fashioned ‘Mr Nice Guy’. And I aim to please. I strongly believe that there is no joy in a world where you cannot be unquestionably nice to your fellow men. Niceness simply for the sake of it, nothing asked in return. What better way to go to the grave than with an army of the good deeds one has done, riding alongside you? If only to properly negotiate with the grim reaper. I am the nicest of the lot, but NEVER take my niceness for granted. Remember Elisabeth? Yes. Well, I was the tiny little voice then, whispering and cajoling, making him do my bidding. I was in control…for a while.
Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero. That’s Latin by the way. Needless to say, I am the brain. I am the bookworm, the straight ‘A student, the genius. I am the voice of intelligence. Literally. I read at least five full-length books a week. I can engage you in a wide range of conversation topics, from history to politics, arts to music, law, ‘Marvel vs. DC’. You name it, I got it. I love to release information, like a gigantic faucet, educating this ignorant world we live. A world that will much rather be concerned with what a man decides to name his newborn son, than the long term effects of global warming. Come unto me, all ye who seek knowledge and, I shall quench your thirst. There’s just one tiny little rule though. Never question my intelligence or opinions. Don’t do it. Don’t even think about doing it. It just doesn’t end well for those who try…
I’m funny. Hahaha. No really, I am funny. I am the funniest. And the happiest, I swear. I’m happy because my greatest pleasure in life is when you’re happy. When I know that I’m the reason your laughter rings out across the room, and your face lights up with joy and glows. That glow. It’s the last memory I hold on to, when I recede back to my dwelling place in the inky darkness of his mind. I love to joke and I’m really sarcastic. When I’m in charge, everyday is a funny day. I could keep you entertained for hours on end. That’s because I’m the only one who’s able to truly let loose and let go. I am free of all inhibitions. I just want to see you smile. And laugh. I hate too serious people. I detest them, honestly. Why would you choose to walk around with a frown? Why are you such a buzz kill? Why don’t you laugh? Is your life that bad? What is wrong with you? See, now you’ve made me angry. And you won’t like me when I’m angry. Nobody likes me when I’m angry. I do bad things when I’m angry. So please, be happy. And laugh. Laugh now while you still can. Before I come and take any reason you have to ever laugh again.
I am the voice of strength. I am Hercules. I am Arnold. I am the weightlifter, the body builder. The exercise and fitness nut. I whisper words of encouragement and fortitude during the times he wants to quit. He must push himself. One more lap round the field, two more sit ups, three more bench presses. He cannot give up. I will not let him give up. I need his exercise and his pain, I need it so I can grow stronger. I need his body to be admired and lusted after, it gives me so much power. I need him to dedicate his life and body to the gods of iron. Don’t you like it when I am in control? When you feel the hardness of your arms after a gruesome workout? Don’t you enjoy the fear you inspire in others? Ah! The gym. How I love that place. The weights and dumbbells. The bars and benches. The machines. The smell. The feeling of strength. And the men. Gorgeous, buff, sweaty men. Their muscles and abs all knotted and pulsing. Tight, fit bodies. The sight of it all gives me so much pleasure and makes my blood warm. It’s what I think about at night…as I touch myself.
Womaniser. Gigolo. Prostitute. Player. Ho. Man whore. Baby boy. I am known by different names across several diverse cultures and traditions. I am revered in some places, hated in others. A god to some people, and shaitan to the rest. But trust me, it’s really not that serious. I simply love and adore women. I believe that they are God’s greatest creation. His masterpiece, far superior to men in every conceivable way. The female body is a work of art, exquisite and special. Desirous in its entirety. I am the voice that reminds him of his handsomeness and intelligence. Of how funny, charming and intelligent he is. And how he can use these blessings to lure the best of women in. I whisper to him the right words to say to them, sweet nothings that gets them swooning and falling at his feet. I love women. And I love sex. I derive my power from it, and it is a power I will never willingly relinquish. The pure ecstasy he feels when he has conquered and tamed a woman, and the pleasure that comes when he’s inside her, her legs wrapped around him. That is what feeds me. That is what gives me strength. Now, some may argue that after me, these women never seem to recover. That they are left heartbroken and desolate, a shadow of their former selves. But I do not care, the love I feel for these women usually does not extend beyond intercourse. Don’t ask me why because I really do not know. Besides, I had my heart broken once too. When I was younger. Fourteen to be exact. It made me what I am today.
Politics is a dirty game, but it is necessary. Very necessary. I know this. The world knows this. And it is in this light that I must title myself, ‘The Politician’. I am the public speaker and writer. I crave attention. I need it like an alcoholic needs a drink. I don’t just want to be clothed in glory. I want my name to stand the test of time and to be known throughout the ages. Lincoln. Hitler. Malcolm X. I am the voice that eggs him on. When I am in charge, I am like the general of an army, rallying his troops for one final attack on the enemy forces. I whisper to him my plans to change the world. By agreement. By acquiescence. Or by force. Democracy is an illusion. I want him to be like the great leaders of old, who did what it took to ensure that the world was balanced. It might have been messy, but it was necessary. I refuse to apologise for my ambitions, for the thoughts of glory that I fill his head with. I refuse to apologise for my impeccable skill as an actor, a skill that shall be used to win the masses over. I refuse to apologise for the lives that will inadvertently be lost as he rises to power. I crave immortality, and nothing shall stand in my way.
Hello. I am god here. I am the King. The boss. The master. I am the leader of all sixty-six entities that possess this human. I am Legion. I am THE voice.
So, you’ve met the voices in my head. Well at least some of them. I know you have yours too. We all do. Share them with me. Share them with the world. Don’t be shy.