Contemplating Suicide; by Mayowa Folami


Anna knew it was time to ask for help, she had waited and endured so long but her spirit was wavering and she reached the point where she couldn’t fight no more.

She sat on her fake leopard print fur rug staring at her marble table. She was disoriented, she kept staring at the items on the table, a sharp bread knife, a liquid insecticide and a plastic of pills. Just an hour ago, she was going to take the high road and choose death but then even though every bone in her body told her to do it, that they were too tired to live, there was Anna…to her, death was not an option but she found herself contemplating it.

She laughed but it sounded more like tears, she had suffered too much to die by the hands of a bread knife, how ironical; that what was used to feed her would kill her. Then she took the insecticide,

even though she had lived poorly and miserably, she wasn’t a roach, she was much better…if only life hadn’t been so cruel. Then she took one last look at the bottle of pills, she hated those shit, she couldn’t die by pills, she didn’t want to feel a bitter taste before dying but did death offer a sweet taste for its transitioning? And worse, because someone might burst in just in time to save her, she didn’t want to be saved but she wanted to be saved.

The stupid voice of reasoning that had always done her more harm than good wanted her saviour to be him. She banged her head against the table, even after everything, she still wanted him. How pathetic Anna.

A lot of people got to taste the sweetness of life, for Anna, she had only seen the bitter side. At 24, she was an orphan, lost her parents and siblings in a car crash ten years ago, up until now she wondered why she was the only survivor, spent four years of her life moving from foster home to foster home enduring sexual assaults and physical abuse, one would think she would end up rebellious but she turned out to be a fighter. Luck brought her to this point though with the stench of misery, her first attempt at love proved not only futile but crushed the last pieces of her already broken heart…but here she was, still in love with a cheating lover engaged to another. She took one last glance at her death tools, contemplating suicide.

Then she heard a knock on the door. In a second, she switched from her suicidal self to Anna, the tough literature scholar. She gathered her death instruments and placed them in hidden places. To the world, she was a strong girl and to the world, she would remain like that.

She straightened her star wars pjs and ran to the door, she turned the knob and it revealed her gloomy best friend, Bibi, point of correction, not her best friend but her only friend.

She sighed. Bibi obviously got her heart broken, that’s the only reason why an ever jovial party girl like Bibi would be standing in front of her door holding an empty box of Tissue. She quickly glanced at the time, 3am, yes she was definitely heartbroken.

She ushered her in and Bibi sat on the burgundy leather couch while She sat opposite her on the floor.

“Bibi darling what’s wrong? ”

She sounded too calm for someone who was just contemplating suicide.

Bibi let out a sob.


Anna just looked at Bibi disgruntled. She wasn’t even surprised, they had broken up so many times more than Iraq’s attempt to conquer America.

“Woo slow down I didn’t understand a thing you said so take it gently”

Bibi let out another sob and narrated the story, taking her time so Anna could take it all in, at the end, Anna shook her head.

“Bibiresanmi! Don’t you think you were a bit too much? ”

Her friend pouted

“I know, but I was just trying to make him feel better”

Anna had to admit, her friend was clueless sometimes.

“Gawd Bibi there are so many ways you could make him feel better without suggesting a party, you could cook his favourite meal, go out for a walk or something”

Bibi seemed to consider it for a minute

“…but I don’t know how to cook”

Anna let out a loud sigh

“You are hopeless”

Her friend started to sob again and she moved over to pet her on the shoulder.

“Do you think he’s serious this time….”

Bibi asked through muffled tears.

If there was something Anna knew, it wasn’t serious because Tade loved Bibi way too much even accepting her oh-so-many flaws. It was Bibi who needed to make amends.

“Naa I don’t think so…just text him or call him to apologise telling him you are wrong and then give him some time” Anna said, and Bibi seemed to be reassured because she stopped crying.

After cuddling up and watching ‘The notebook’ through three bowls of popcorn, they decided to take a break and sleep.

Lying on Anna’s mahogany bed, Anna turned to face her already dozing friend.

“Bibi, did you ever considered I might have been trying to commit suicide when you knocked on my door?”

Bibi laughed

“Thanks for that laugh buddy but Anna, anybody could commit suicide…even the president of Nigeria. You my friend, however aren’t even on the list, the world knows you are too strong for that”

Anna stared at her friend blankly

“Yeah, you’re right. Go to sleep Bibi. Good night”

Anna turned to the other side.

The world was wrong. She wasn’t that strong.

IMG 20160106 WA0053 1 Mayowa Folami (mostly called Ziza), is a quirky fashion Blogger and entrepreneur. She is a Fashion contributor for Jumia fashion and Genevieve magazine. Her personal blog is , and you can follow her on instagram
@makeupbyziza and twitter @styledbyziza. Mayowa is the Principal Fashion editor of the Blog.


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