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THE WILD LOUNGE

24 Feb

Hi there! Welcome to the Wild Lounge. Before going any further, a brief introduction
of what you’re about to get into, so you can fully grasp what we’re about.

The Wild Lounge is not by any measure, your average lounge where drinks, and
chops are served. No. What we serve here is ice cold sarcasm. Yes we ridicule societal
vices and defects here. So, now that you’re acquainted with what it is we do here, let’s
progress to the business of today. Oh, by the way, my name is Ignis, and I’ll be your host
for this episode and subsequent ones too.

Today, let’s talk about the electricity supply (or lack thereof) and hike in price of
everything in our “dear” country, Nigeria. Now, my parents once told me that in the
distant past, Nigeria was a land flowing with milk and honey, there was an excellent
economy, electricity was top notch, and there was really no need to travel. Apparently,
that was a very distant past. Now, things have CHANGED. And it’s all for good. I mean,
what kind of insane government provides its people with constant electricity?? Does it
make sense? The other day, my cousin (who lives in some white man’s land) told me
there was a serious storm that later led to power outage for two hours and he said there
was a consequent ruckus. And I was just shaking my head like “Two hours??” and it’s
not like it happens that way all the time. The Western world is indeed demented. Having
such an outrageous supply of electricity?? Nonsense. Who does that?? Here in Nigeria,
we set the pace, oh how I love this beautiful country. Whenever, PHCN gives us light for
up to eighteen out of twenty four hours, we complain to them that it’s too much, because
it really doesn’t make sense. It’s unfair. If one part of Lagos for example has electricity
supply for eighteen hours, what about the other part?? We have to be rational, so the
light can go round. If we have too much light, it’s bad actually. It makes us start to live,
think, and behave like the whites, and we shouldn’t allow that, because we’re made of
black. And we only need just a little amount of light to live. What do we even need light
for? Pressing clothes, charging phones, and watching Premier/Champions League?? If
we hadn’t let the British in, we wouldn’t need all that, and we’d be fine. After all, nobody
colonised Britain. Who knows maybe we’d have colonised some other country? Anyway,
back to the issue of electricity, I respect the Nigerian government under the past few
leaders for trying to ensure that nobody ever has light for more than four to five hours a
day, and in some cases, a month. It’s helped us to focus more on our best gift,
importation (of generators, amongst others). And this directly or indirectly brings us to
the next point.

If you’ve lived in Nigeria as long as I have, you’d have realized that something very
wrong has been happening in the area of the cost of things. Take for example, coaster
biscuits. In my very much younger days, you could buy like four sachets for just #5, the
same way you could buy gala for #50, I mean the fat gala with actual beef in it. Now,
why in the world would you buy that fat thing for #50, are you on drugs?? Thank God for
our leaders who took it upon themselves to start hiding huge sums of money in their
pipes, cupboards, and so on, so that the value of the naira can further drop and then we
can truly appreciate the value of the things we buy (and stop buying them anyhow). And
the effect of this “dollar cost” trust me, it’s really been humbling. Normally, I was the kind
of person who’d buy a Pepsi with almost anything. Even with sweet. But, I recently discovered sachet water (due to the economic “situation”). I also discovered that there is
more power in your “Legzus” than in Uber Select. And also if you really look at it, 1.5gb of
data makes a whole lot more sense than 3.5gb. We really do have our leaders to thank
for such an achievement. What I don’t now understand is the rumours that some Two faced celebrity wanted to protest against the affairs of Nigeria. As if it’s not been the
norm. I don’t blame him though, I assume he did it in all Innocence.
Honestly, I would’ve loved to go on and on, but my battery wouldn’t let me, and we’re
only due for light in 24 hours. But until then, I have to go and join my “fellow Americans”
in protesting against the building of the Mexican wall, because once it’s built, Nigeria will
collapse.
Plix, one last thing, What do you call a vacation that is taken as a break from
vacation??

Written By Mayowa Akinyemi

Published By Great Opara

 
1 Comment

Posted by on February 24, 2017 in Columns, The Wild Lounge

 

Tags: , ,

One response to “THE WILD LOUNGE

  1. blackaronide

    February 24, 2017 at 6:37 pm

    Wow… Really nice.. Lol

    Like

     

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