Hi, and welcome to the Lounge. I hope you enjoyed your stay the last time around? Well, if you didn’t,I
recommend that you start therapy, or whatever they call these sessions where you go to have your brain
examined, God, I can’t remember what it’s called……wait, what was that?…Oh, yes, counselling.I remember.It
really helps,I guess. And as a matter of fact, that’s what I’m here to discuss.

I saw a BC this week. I’m assuming you all are up to speed with it by now. I don’t quite remember the message,
but I remember something about of you have academic brain death, or you’re on a 1.5 CGPA or less, or if you
wrote a certain test on Tuesday, (I can’t tell you what course, but it rhymes with “iniquity”), then you should report
to the counselling unit ASAP. Now, the first thing that comes to mind when I hear this, is that, maybe the
institution is trying to gather the academically less privileged all in one place, and blow them up, so that they
won’t tarnish the school’s image as the “University of first choice and nation’s pride“, or maybe they want to
create a union for them, and isolate them from the rest of society, as we all know that the only way to succeed in
life is to have a University degree with honours. Or who do you know in Nigeria or elsewhere that became
successful without graduating with honours? Mention names if you dare.

Anyways, before I lose focus, I was
talking about the University rescue programme. So a friend of mine thinks the school is doing this to try and
provide a solution to a “problem” it created. But honestly, I don’t see a problem here. The University over
admitted students into the system, despite knowing that it doesn’t have the right facilities and environment to
provide excellent education for such a large number, so? It’s called business. So, who are you (or I) to
complain? Who doesn’t like profit? Should you even complain knowing full well that your school fees is roughly
fifteen grand?? Nonsense. When something is cheap, people rush it, so if the quality is poor, why should you
blame anyone but yourself? You paid for this! My only question is what exactly does the Counselling unit want to
do for students with dire academic issues that cannot be done in the classroom? Oh, I know. They’ll begin to
advice you on how to draw a personal time table, try to balance your social life with your curricular activities, how to control your intake of drugs, and spend more time in the library, because it is by doing all these things
that you will have good grades. So, what happens when a student does all this, and still doesn’t get desirable
grades? Maybe such is a blockhead and has no business being in school. Or maybe what the counselling unit is
trying to do is to organise a seminar in which academically challenged students can obtain free JAMB forms so
as to participate in the next UTME, or maybe the school is trying to provide a platform on which the challenged
students can obtain a different degree from other students and still compete favourably with their peers in the
future, because as we all know, the school is working hard to make sure that all its students become something
in life, it’s not like they’re so bothered with your school fees (Amean, what’s 15k multiplied by all the students?).

The school only wants the best for us, trust me, there’s no other reason ASUU would strike for six months. These
people were fighting for their right to teach! Anyway, that’s talk for another day.
I really should get going now, I want to check my academic profile to know where I stand. And you should too
because if you don’t, and your CGPA falls under 1.50, and you don’t grab this opportunity, the next withdrawal
your parents will be making won’t be at the bank. On this note, good bye folks. Till next time.

By the way, I think the name of Ed Sheeran’s new album will be another sign from BODMAS. I also think
Olamide will soon release his version of “Bad and Boujee” seeing as he did a commendable job with “Panda“.
Just saying..

Written By Mayowa Akinyemi

Published By Great Opara

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