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THE WILD LOUNGE – KAMIKAZE

31 Mar

Hi there. I’m Ignis. I welcome you to another serving of twisted versions of “gist” “as e dey hot”. Let me just
briefly introduce what’s on the menu for today. I know at least 60% of you don’t know the meaning of the topic
for today. That’s to show that you need more time on the Thesaurus than on your snapchat. Hopefully, you can
grasp the message from the writeup. If you’re still waiting for an intro, you just missed it.

Okay, so, the business of today. About a week ago, precisely Sunday, I heard some rather disturbing news of
someone who jumped off the Third Mainland Bridge. It wasn’t disturbing because it was a suicide, as you all
know that’s not my business. One less depressed person on the same traffic lane with me. But it was disturbing
because I keep hearing people talking about suicide and self destruction and such things like it’s supposed to be
a solution to a certain problem. I mean take for example people who go about cutting themselves and hurting
themselves because someone called them “fat” or “ugly“. Ogbeni till today, there’s someone that still calls me
kebab” because of my legs. And I didn’t die. And I wouldn’t die. Not because of that. Now, let me just ask you
this, what could be so wrong with you that you would want to kill yourself?? Recession? Poor grades? Lost your
virginity (any how that happened)? Lost a job? You’re not alone! I’m sorry but I can’t relate to someone taking
their own life because they had some “serious” problem. Did you know that to every problem lies a variety of
solutions excluding suicide?? It’s like some people don’t know how hard it is for a person to let go of his life.
Even if you haven’t seen it happen to a person (like I have), try killing an animal and see how it is. Don’t worry, in
this part of the world, there are no rules prohibiting you from killing an animal at your discretion.

Back to the
suicide issue, I still am yet to see that problem that only death can solve. I mean, taking your own life is just
cowardly. Giving up just like that. Leaving so many people behind with burdens of grief, serious pain, some guilt,
and maybe even starting another chain of suicides. If you feel you’re going through one phase that nobody has
ever been through, or one phase that’s too much to bear, please, go see a therapist, or white garment “alagba”.
But then, some people don’t even want to hear any advice because they’ve made up their minds that taking their
life is the ultimate solution. Well, everything boils down to choice. If what you want is to end your life, feel free.
Leave the struggle for the rest of us that don’t know where the throat is. Or those of us that are totally happy and
without problems. Leave us here, and go on to that place where you (think you) will have rest.

It’s alright. I mean
who am I to judge? We’re all low key committing suicide somehow. Yes. Doing a course that’s probably not
meant for us. Paying for BQ through our noses. Trying to look rich without necessarily having any bar. It is slow,
but steady suicide. Even I writing this, am committing a form of suicide because some people will read my stuff
and slam me for being insensitive. To quote a certain Law lecturer, “Sorry about that“. Like I always say, this
Lounge permits very little show of any sensitivity. I’m supposed to be blunt, and unapologetically so.

Suicide, as aforementioned, is a thing of choice. It is also a demonic something, but, what do I know about
spirituality? Probably very little. But I know this: there are two solutions to every problem in life. The physical
(therapy), and spiritual (holy cane). However, where there is a case of someone who would rather just give it all
up instead of giving their all, hanging down from something instead of just hanging in, please, and please, leave
such a person be. Such has made his mind up. It is advisable not to feed or clothe such a person though. Things
are now so costly abeg. Make sure they have no Internet access. Shey, they want to die abi? And most
importantly, do not give them a notepad and pen, because they’ll just write a couple of words (ultimately
insulting your intelligence, and ability to have a more positive impact on their life, low key subbing you for being
one of the reasons they have to kill themselves) and call it suicide note.

I think I’ve already written enough to make my point. Anything more than this and I’ll be labelled a maniac. So,
plix, on this note, I rest my case.
I’ve done what I can. It just isn’t worth it anymore. I wish I could go on, but I can’t. Please don’t cry for me. And don’t feel guilty either. It is not your fault. It’s just me. I’m sorry, but this is the best way. Goodbye.“- my Land law
textbook.

By the way, I don’t know maybe it’s just me, but I feel like the case of the girl that died after returning “from
seeing man
” was not properly reported in the newspapers. And I wonder if the man had anything to do with it?

Written By Mayowa Akinyemi

 
 

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