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WHY SO SERIOUS?

28 Jul

“You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is is a little push!”- The Joker.

If you think this article is a joke rearing its green ahead around your screen, I suggest you close this web page with immediate effect. If you think it isn’t, then I wonder why you are not in an asylum right now. Nevertheless, I implore you….scratch that. I plead your indulgence to sit back and revel in the consequences of me giving my madness a little push.

Why so serious? Tell me, why are you so serious? Why are you still worrying about your GP? Why are you complaining about your monthly data balance that you renew four times within the same period? If you haven’t noticed, WhatsApp is no longer megabyte friendly thanks to the status feature. And your social media followers, why so serious? It’s not like you’ll add it to your CV when you’re done with this legal journey. It’s not as if you’ll even practice…okay, let me stop there. 

Nigerian Twitter savages, why so serious? Somebody cannot Tweet in peace again, for fear of being jammed by an unforeseen trailer. It’s not fair mehn. One should actually be able to sue these guys. Savagery can provoke suicide, literally. Sister reading this, why so serious? Why are you constantly stalking your boyfriend’s WhatsApp, Instagram, destiny and even Facebook that we left for our parents and razz people? He’s definitely cheating on you. Even if he wasn’t, you’d still go and be shouting Men are scum, all men are the same upandan. Have you tried all of them? Have you tried me? (I’ll most likely break your heart. Emulate Drake by not coming closer)

Lai Mohammed, why so serious? Economy, why so serious? You are so bad that we can’t even complain about you anymore. The plastic bottles of soft drinks that shouldn’t even go for more than fifty naira are now being sold for half the price. I almost fainted when I found out tbvh, and boom, that’s what Ozone expected me to enjoy not long ago. I should be cursing both them and the economy, but that would be so serious, as serious as the Nigerians who have been praying for a certain leader to come back/recover/step down/die for over a year. Why so serious

Lekki people, why so…I should probably cut the jokes here. But nah, why..so…serious. What doesn’t kill you makes you stranger. Yes, stranger; the viral photo of a man smiling while waist-deep in flood. Y’all will see it and come back to say I’m mad. Smh. Still on Twitter savages, there’s a rare photo of a certain duck and a certain frog spotted cruising on the waters. You should check it out yourself, and be careful too. Someone can like to jam you for the simple reason of being online. And my Lekki people, don’t mind the Mainland people that have been mocking you. It’s inferiority complex.

Evans Vanishes’ should probably be the best Nigerian newspaper headline ever. I mean, why so serious? Speaking of vanishing, the annoying day-long rains seem to have vanished…or subsided, at the very least. They were so serious mehn. Funny enough, the day it began was the same day a certain lecturer made his way to an unsuspecting class, after a self-imposed hiatus. Why so serious?

Arts students, why so serious? All that beef on top a cancelled show? You should have been on their group chats on the night of The Event. I literally treaded their faculty with caution the week after. Man cannot be bludgeoned for sin he did not commit. Am I so serious right now? Maybe I am, maybe not. Even the Pat Tiri girls that purportedly did some underground work, they need medals in their lives for being so serious- if they were, that is.

Still on Law students (though this is general now), why so serious? See how y’all rushed out after the Kasunmu lecture for chow. One could think a band of monkeys was unleashed in Main Aud. No, Ade Ajayi auditorium. Or maybe just Main Auditorium. It will always remain so. Not that we were ever kidding ourselves, anyway. And SamAzing, all that seriousness on top whistleblowing? I hope you get paid though. If you know how to do something, never do it for free 😀 

In other news, Game of Thrones is finally back. So will the list of Eligible bachelors and spinsters in this prestigious faculty .
Written By Clinton Durueke



Published By Great Opara

 
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Posted by on July 28, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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