THE WILD LOUNGE – HOMO NON-SAPIENS

Hi there. It’s Ignis yet again. I don’t know if any of you remember when I wrote about the governor of Imo State? Well, this article is another one, an unprecedented and previously unforeseen sequel to the analysis of how this roach-ass of a governor has been representing Imo state indigenes home and…….home and……sha, Imo indigenes.

So, I heard that he just very recently appointed a number of almost 30 commissioners and local government council leaders, including his sister,…yes, his sister. But that’s not even the big deal. It’s not the first time we’ve seen politicians in Africa put their kin in positions of power, nor will it be the last. The big deal is, what function this sister was given. She was made the commissioner of….of “happiness and marriage fulfilment. Actually, now that I think about it, I’m surprised that neither the Federal government nor any of the other state governments has ever been able to think up such an embarrassing solution to a major problem in Nigeria at the end. I’m sure none of us is oblivious to the fact that the majority of the lot of  us are unhappy, disgruntled, and maybe even livid about one or three things. And happiness, just like everything else in life, begins at home. It’s absolutely impossible to have a dysfunctional marriage relationship and still be able to function in your day to day activities properly. So, I’m very sure that the appointment of a commissioner to leave all the other trivial and unimportant things of life, and attend to the issue of unfulfilled and boring marriages will be a welcome idea in our society. I’m looking forward to seeing it spread throughout the country. It will go a long way in fixing the corruption problem, bridging the ginormous lacuna between rich and poor, upgrading the healthcare system, the education sector and the economic brouhaha that is already part of our coat of arms. All we need is just a little happiness and fulfilment in our marriages and homes. And what’s the best way to ensure that? By Nigerian standards, all this commissioner for marriage fulfilment and happiness has to do, is organise a team of hungry kinsmen who would draw a budget to the tune of millions  of naira with which to provide families with sex products and related paraphernalia to help keep them “happy and fulfilled”. I’d have said the commissioner would help provide jobs for spouses who are without employment, or support families financially, to keep them happy, but that’s too lugubrious to ask of any Nigerian politician.
Anyway, it is actually commendable that a governor who became famous for erecting a statue of the president of another country in his state, would appoint his sister as the commissioner for happiness and marriage fulfilment. It really should be adopted by other leaders…in Nigeria and outside. It’ll be a remarkable step in proffering solutions to a lot of the problems that have plagued us humans. Mr. Okorocha has finally given hope to people who wanted to read law, but who ended up in Guidance and Counselling Edu. Congratulations to them as they can now go to Imo state to give happiness tips and fulfilment lessons to indigenes. Sources close to the Office of the Governor of Imo State (which is basically just an office space slightly emptier than the bank of ideas that the Governor boasts of) have told me that other plans the Governor has for Imo state include a School of Thought, as in an actual building where people can just come and take thinking classes, and then a silent radio station, amongst others. I’ll let you know of more updates regarding the irrelevant projects being undertaken by the government of Imo state, as time goes on. But for right now, I have to queue up to get fuel, so, adiós amigos!

By the way, who else has seen the Justice League movie?? That shii is litter than dustbin! And don’t even get me started on the new Avengers trailer,…it is turnt!!!

 

Written by Mayowa Akinyemi

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