Before reading: This is pretty moist and a little cliché.
Based on a true life story.
I have loved her for a long time now.
I have come to realise that this is true love, because I have tried fighting the thought, the emotion, the feeling, but,
I have lost the will to continue the fight; time has not been able to conquer this either, because the love is rekindled every time I see her and further cemented in my heart when I do not see her.
I have been looking for the perfect time to tell her how I truly feel. It’s more than mere friendship girl
I have noticed that she has a lot of people on her ‘p’
I have also realised that most of these people also started off as friends,
I have been asked constantly by her, “Tunde when will you get your own girlfriend”, or “what will you do if your girlfriend does this, this and that…?”
I have found it difficult to tell her that she is the “hypothetical” iyawo I am always talking about. The “hypothetical” iyawo I want to be with.
I have learnt a lot about this awero to enjoy her company and endure her inadequacies,
I have known a long time ago that she is all that I’m searching for in my Mrs Right,
I have everyone thinking that we are a thing; I want us to prove them right,
I have this picture of love that lasts, that withers the storm and conquers all,
I have come to understand that, anybody who comes in contact with her can not help falling in love with her personality, her grace, her charm, her elegance, her orenteness, her arewaness, her unusual beauty, her smile, her sense of humour, her brilliance, her versatility, her culinary prowess, her bluntness, her curves and edges, her….the list goes on and on.
I have tried resisting anything that can come between us and what we share as friends but mans wan become more than just friends…..
If you have a story similar to that above then this piece is meant for you, and don’t be shy to own up to this because certainly you not the only one, going through this, we are so many out there. Before we go any further let us examine two key terms, that form the bedrock of this discussion;
- Friend: a person who you like and enjoy being with; one attached to another by affection or esteem; a favoured companion.
- Zone: an area that’s different from other areas in a particular way.
When I put together these two meanings, this is what it means to me, someone in the friendzone is “a person who you like being with, a favoured companion that you have kept in an area that is different from other areas in a particular way”. Ordinarily, is this not something to be happy about, I mean, you are a special person. She treats you in a different way from other people, is that not something to feel special about? But the issue now is that you just don’t want to be mere friends with her/him. You want to move up the relationship ladder to become a “lover” and build up from there. You want a different kind of “special”, a specialised special.
I will try as much as possible to be unbiased in my analysis of this “jet age concept” and in doing so I will try to clarify some things. First and foremost, the relevance of this topic, somebody might be quick to ask what the importance of this topic is. Well, it will shock you to discover that a good number of the hours that would have been for studying and doing other productive things is spent on thinking about how things could have been different with one of your friends or another. Consequently, this is a distraction and if not dealt with would negatively affect the mind of a person. Secondly, there is absolutely nothing wrong in enjoying the companion and always wanting to be with a member of the opposite sex as just platonic friends. Just make sure that after, that your “friend” has left the front of your hostel and is in a cab to his/her hostel, she is not thinking of something he should have said or he is not thinking of something she was expecting him to say. Make sure that both of you are okay being platonic friends with nothing more. Thirdly, no human on earth is bound to accept to date you, merely because you have some kind of chemistry as friends. Not all friendships must graduate to dating. So ladies and gentlemen if you have been dating someone based on the singular fact that you feel some sort of obligation to your friend and because you do not want to lose your ‘friend’, and not necessarily because you feel anything extra for that person. I would suggest for your own happiness to call it quit with that person. Do not get what I am saying twisted, before you can date someone you have to be friends with that person. I mean you cannot possibly date your enemy. The important thing is that the both parties are happy in the relationship.
Moving on, a clear distinction should be made between the ‘right’ person and the ‘perfect’ person. Dating just like every other human endeavour is a risk, a risky gamble. Human beings, sadly for one reason or the other are not perfect creatures. Perfection in this context has to do with characters, behaviours, and so on. And so a girl’s idea of a perfect male could be a boy who is; handsome, smart, God-fearing, rich, 6ft tall, humorous and so on. While a boy’s idea of a perfect female could be a girl who is; smart, God-fearing, financially independent, beautiful, and surely not as tall as him and maybe good cooking skills too. The problem now comes when we have these specifications in our head, and we create some sort of check list that we use in assessing everyone. We use this ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach and for as many people that do not measure up to these requirements, we reject them. We use this elimination method, hoping that one day we will find the ‘perfect’ one. The truth is that we will never find that perfect person; all you need to do is find the ‘right’ person. The right person is that person whose flaws you can tolerate, whose perfections and imperfections you can cope with, whose company you enjoy and inadequacies you can endure, that person that so aptly completes you, that person that is just right for you. Wise people never look for ‘Mr Perfect’ but ‘Mr Right’.
While there might be so many reasons why people friendzone other people, I feel the search for the ‘perfect’one might be one of them. So while we are probably with the right person, we are just keeping them in the zone until they become perfect. Sometimes, you hear certain expressions like, “Tunde, I would love to date or get married to someone like you”, knowing fully well that Tunde wouldn’t mind the same thing too. The question comes to mind, why would you want somebody like Tunde, when Tunde is available, when the original is before you? Also you hear things like, “I really like you, but I’m waiting for the perfect time”. The truth is there is no perfect time to fall in love, so that whole “we need to wait” is just arrant nonsense because you cannot put love on hold.
I believe the solution to this friendzone problem is DEFINITION. The purpose of every relationship should be clearly defined; both parties should clearly define what they want from each other, with happiness underscoring their decision. So the fact that you are just mere friends with somebody should mean that you are happy with the state of affairs. If you are not happy then shoot your shot and this applies to girls too. Dating and ultimately marriage is such a major step in your life and yet girls cannot take charge of it; it depends on a boy asking them. So many girls are in long-term friendships and want to move the friendship a notch higher but have to wait for the guy to ask. If we are to apply the first Feminism Tool here, then it makes no sense that a girl who matters equally has to wait for somebody else to initiate what will be a major life change for her. So while the boys are shooting their shot, girls do likewise with precision in fact.
Summarily and conclusively, if you feel friendzoned, clearly define what you want to your ‘captor’, shoot your shot and ultimately be happy. It’s a healthy choice.
PS: Dangerzone is not a nice place to be either, stay safe guys. The title of the article is just an attention-catching mechanism.
This is Princewill scribbling his heart out,
And Taiwo airing it.