SELF-HELP FOR DUMMIES: HOW TO BALLOT AND (MAYBE) GET BED SPACE.

For the benefit of those still unaware, the infamy better known as hostel balloting for the new session has been shifted to Monday, the 19th of November 2018, a week from now. (Could this new date be subject to further change? We honestly do not know). Few experiences as a UNILAG undergraduate are as excruciating and unpredictable as this one. There are really no hard and fast rules to securing a hostel bed space, but a few hacks may just tilt the odds of the gods of UNILAG in your favour. I am fully aware that this article applies way more to freshers. However, a not so long year may have left you in dire need of a refresher course. So, don’t be proud 🙂

It all begins with the mindset. The fact that you reside in Ibafo or somewhere in the blistering North matters little, if at all. UNILAG will run you over if it wills. Always remember that it is waaaay more possible to not get bed space than to reserve one. The idyll, theoretical layout is to load the portal page at exactly 07:55 GMT+1, type in your log-in details, all the way to ‘successfully’ clicking on “Reserve Space.” For the freshers reading this, just know that we don’t do that here. More importantly, prepare yourself for other options before you even begin balloting to minimise your likely heartbreak: the illegal squatting, the more absurd floating, coming from home, getting an apartment or an off-campus hostel and the other one. Yes, that one.

Number One B: If your reason and rhetoric is strong enough, you can forward a letter to the DSA or become like David and pull all the strings you can. Every single one of them.

The next step is to plan the actual process. This juncture begs a host of questions: Is the network in your area strong? Are you going to run it solely on your smartphone, or are you going to augment the little guy’s efforts with a laptop and/or an iPad? Will Glo or Swift 4G be an option? How about the cyber cafe in your street? Go now and scout your locale and align your telecom coordinates. I recommend every possible avenue. Not that there aren’t people who have gotten bed space using just their phones, though.

Step three is to wake up early and be logged in even earlier. You need to be logged in by at most 7:30. If you are not, you are simply not ready want to get hostel because the traffic from 7:50 upwards is bloody. When all is said and done, click on the icon when it pops up, select any hostel, scroll down and reserve your bed space. It’s that easy and it’s that hard. For the ladies, look out for any possible Radiography slots in the days after. For the guys, you can like to run Sodeinde. Mind you, it is very, very competitive.

Remember, failure is not an option anywhere but here. Also, it’s best you believe that surviving a UNILAG hostel is even tougher than securing accommodation in one. Until then, if ever, happy balloting, in massive addy.

And for the ‘woke’ culture, the word that is most likely going to trigger you in that header is nothing more than a figurative expression, aka figure of speech. No one’s calling you a dummy. Tnx.

 

CLINTON WROTE MOST OF IT.

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