How am I really faring at this point in time? Why did everything that seemed so bright and beautiful suddenly turn out to be muddy and dull? Why do I not get messages from the ones I want? Why do I get disturbed by the ones I dislike? Why do I have to wake up everyday and hear that evil is reoccuring? Why do I have to sleep with one eye closed every night?

Why do I have to wash my hands before I eat? I’ve not being doing that for the past nineteen years of my life and I didn’t die, so why now? Did Mama make a mistake by bringing me down here? I always wanted to be down to Earth, but not in this way. Why does everyone think they can take me for granted because I have a soft heart? Why do people only come to me when they need something? Why am I always excluded in the interesting stuff? Am I boring or they don’t think I’m cool? But I’m smart. I’m fine…I think. Mama reminds me all the time and a lot of boys have made shots, which backfired. I won’t regard myself as an introvert because when I’m mad, I’m mad and that side can only be seen by the real ones.

But, where did they all go to? When last did anyone hit me up to talk about something that would really interest me? Does it always have to be people that seem like they don’t have plans for their lives? Quarantine, as I heard, isn’t meant to break friendships. It’s supposed to build relationships. It is meant for reconnection, rebonding, reunion. Or do people lose interest in others overnight? Maybe they have given into “I’m a savage, classy, bougi…” Or is it, “Baby come gimme something oh…“🎶

Vskit, TikTok, Triller, Snapchat, Houseparty, Instagram, Twitter…an endless list of data suckers with almost zero productivity!

But who thought of the truth? Who thought of studying? Who thought of e-learning? Who thought of self-improvement? Who thought of gaining more knowledge? A few, just very few, not up to thirty per cent. That is, if they are up to fifteen per cent.

Boredom? Did I just hear boredom?

A youth in my age shouldn’t speak of boredom. There is a lot to do, a whole bucket list to finish ticking by the end of this period.

Do I have faith it would end soon? Yes, I do.

Do I believe His Grace is sufficient for all of us? Definitely!

Do I believe there is still God? I never doubted!

You thought I was done? No, I’m not!

Summer body, body looking like fire, the body that wants to be noticed…how many times did you eat yesterday?

How many times did you eat the day before? How many times do you intend to eat tomorrow?

How long do you now sleep, since you heard ‘Quarantine’?

Have you gone back to old relationships because you had nothing to do?

My Love Story

I thought old things are meant to pass away. Why did I text my ex who caged me for so long?

It wasn’t a relationship. No, it was a stagnantion-ship…if there is anything like that. Help me out! I find myself crawling back into days of tears, murmuring, anger and pain. Days of lamenting and silent tears because I didn’t want to be a laughing stock. Everyone was doing it, so I guess it was fine after all.

Is there anything so special in me that I should be different from every other girl out there? I made sure shots didn’t enter my basket after Charles broke up with me, maybe because I still had faith in us. Toxic and complicated relationship, it was bad for me but I wanted to endure badly because I can’t love anyone the way I loved him…all rubbish! He had held me so close and promised never to let go, he had kissed me on my forehead a million times and said I would remain his baby girl for life. I was too naïve to realize he only wanted my body. The first person that actually said he loved me and showed it. But as soon as he made the first move of abuse, I hated him. But I still wanted to love him regardless. Who was going to hold me tight and whisper sweet things into my ear? Who was going to sit me down and play with my hair? Who was going to tell me how fair I was amongst other women? Who was going to tell me all I wanted to hear?

I was stupid, I know! But when all these thoughts start crawling into your head, run!

I’m speaking from experience and I’ve made up my mind not to hold on to anything that would hurt me. I’d study. I’d read. I’d write. I’d tell stories. I’d make the best use of the Internet at this time. Everyone seems so happy in the videos they make, but do you know what they do after? Some have to check up on the hundreds of views and likes they have received and then what next? Lazy around and try to get gists that do not concern them. I know I have undressed some and they would probably be mad but, the truth hurts.

I wouldn’t say ‘Don’t have fun‘, but if your level of dedication and seriousness is below average, then you’re at a loss. I’ve said too much already; a word is enough for the wise. Most importantly, pray like you have never done before. Do that one thing you never had time to do while school was in session and most importantly, have your bath ’cause I see you.

Olawunmi Silvia.

Written By Doreen Amarachi Nwankwo.


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