SELF-HELP FOR THE COV-IGNORANT – E1

(on air)

Radio jingle playing…

“My pipuuuu! How una dey ooo? Sake of say dis Coronavirus epidemic, government don talk say make we dey for house o! Leave Baba Okoro, Iya Nkechi make you sidon with your family brekete. Hope say una don wash una hand well-well. Your health dey important to us! This one na special message from the Federal Ministry of Health.”

Boluspeaks: Hello guys! Hope you’re having a great day. This is your favourite radio host, Boluspeaks, broadcasting live on 90.2 Speak Your Mind FM. It is really a sad one. The number of Corona-infected people in our very own Federal Republic of Savannah has risen to 154. We, however, have an exciting programme for you today. We will be having the Special Adviser to the Governor of Oduduwa State, Mr. Taju Adisa talk to us as Governor Timi George becomes one of the recently diagnosed patients. Mr. Taju, are you there?

S.A: Yes, I am.

Boluspeaks: Alright, thank you for joining us. Please, give us an insight into the situation of things in Oduduwa State. I believe there are now ten confirmed cases?

S.A: No, nine. You journalists should always confam before broadcasting. Anyway, we are handling it. We have put everything in place to fight korona firus. Money is being spent in every way possible.

Boluspeaks: By handling, do you mean putting lives of your people in danger? In spite of all warnings, Governor Timi George held a political rally under the pretence of sensitisation. How sensible do you think that was, sir?

S.A: E ma gba mi ke! (Help me please) All de other states that did not err… do any rally, do they not have more than us?

Boluspeaks: Is that a justification for such an irrational act, sir?

S.A: Wo bi (look here) we are tracing everybody that were…that was there. *scornfully* If your father was there, tell us so we’ll know how to epp you.

Boluspeaks: So, are you helping yourself sir?

S.A: Ehn?

Boluspeaks: You were at the rally, right beside the Governor. Are you helping yourself or even tested for the virus?

S.A: Hello?

Boluspeaks: Can you hear me sir? Are you being a role model to your people by being in self-isolation?

S.A: Iss like err…de line is breaking…
*hangs up* Omo oshi! Kini gbogbo palapala yii?Abi iru arifin wo leyi? (Stupid child! What rubbish is this? What kind of disrespect is this?) And you! (To Tobi) You did not prepare me for these questions! Why did I appoint you Special Advisa to the Special Advisa to the Gofnor of Oduduwa State? I’m just paying you for nothing. Koshi danu! (get lost!)

Boluspeaks: Well, there you have it. That’s how prepared our leaders are. Do stay at home and observe all precautions! A word to the wise is enough. Catch me same time tomorrow!

………..

Written By Fareedah Afolabi.

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