…If you no get money hide your face
I hide my face…
Kamsy sat up on the bed, paused the music blasting out of the loud speakers and looked around his messy room, his fortress of solitude where he had literally been hiding his face all December because…no money. I mean, he thinks to himself, if you’re gonna listen to the noise that is Nigerian music, at least adhere to the little bits of ‘advice’ that come with it. This Christmas period had been the most financially uncertain period of our young hero’s life.
His mother’s younger brother, Femi Martins, who also doubled as his favorite uncle had sent him a substantial amount of dollars at the beginning of the month. This money had come with the usual ‘Jesus is the reason for the season’ bants that Kamsy had been subjected to on numerous occasions. He still could not understand how his uncle who had been the Playboy-In-Chief of the Federal Republic had gone to the abroad and become a different person entirely, neither could he trace the whereabouts of all the dollars the man regularly sent.
He walked to the sitting room and turned up the volume of the TV as the news anchor was going through the local headlines. Top of the bunch was the rape and murder of popular Lagos socialite Kehinde Cole’s identical twin sister Taye. Odd, he thought. Just two days ago on the next street, the butchered corpse of Yimika Johnson’s sister Nina had been delivered to her doorstep and the poor woman had been in a shock induced coma ever since. Apparently, there were crazy humans going about raping and killing even in this festive period.
Kamsy shook his head and went back to his room to dress up and leave the house, inwardly cursing the traffic that was bound to be waiting for him outside. Even with all the Igbo people, including his parents, that had gone for Harmattan Olympics in the village, the congestion on the roads of Lagos was still very bloody and the fuel scarcity was not helping matters.
The cold, dusty Christmas weather struggled to defeat him as he made his way outside. For the thousandth time, he asked himself why exactly he was going to this party on the last weekend of the year. And again he acknowledged that it was simply to meet one (or maybe two) of those very fine babes he saw everywhere on Twitter who were just in the city for the holidays and would be going back to the abroad in the new year. Uncle Femi might have retired but he, Kamsyochukwu Kenneth Ukeje, was still very much in the business of heartbreaking, despite the current downturn of events.
Still, he thought to himself, this single life had followed him all year and now into 2018, and it was all his fault. His ashewo tendencies made sure that he could never commit to one woman and it had caused him serious problems all year long. He slowed his pace and thought about his life so far and where his future was headed…His academics were not going as planned, there was an ache in his soul that a hundred girls could not fill, he was procrastinating a lot and not putting his numerous talents to good use. Christmas is, after all, also a time for sober reflection. And as he is about to sink into one of his many depressive episodes, he remembers the numerous things he had to be thankful for this Christmas season.
Food on the table, no matter how hard the times.
A family that loved him and would always be there.
Good friends who would never let him stray too far away and always hit him with the truth, not caring how much it hurt.
All in all, he decided that he was a pretty blessed guy living a life that he knew many would die for. Kamsy smiled as he realized that, for the very first time, he was looking forward to 2018. It was gonna be a beautiful year.
And with his confidence restored, our young hero proceeds to battle for what may well be his final (con)quest.