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MOUNTAIN DEW (2)

MOUNTAIN DEW (2)

Thanks for coming back😁 Remember, the theme is still mountain dew. All feedback should be directed to lssnerd@gmail.com, especially if you would like to join our themed writing challenge. Without further ado…

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Kola stares wordlessly at the receptionist of the cement company he has an interview with.

The gum chewing girl,with fair skin mottled with dark patches, looks at him pityingly and repeats her statement,this time in pidgin English.

Oga,they don hire anoda person oh.Just yesterday. No more vacancy oh“, she finishes.

Kola thanks her and walks out of the air conditioned lounge and out the wide gates of the company’s premises.

Outside,he stands for a moment calculating his transport fare and decides heading to the BRT bus terminal will be better suited to his pocket at the moment.

The queue at the terminal is long and curvy, like a grass snake winding its way across a garden .

He buys a ticket quickly and joins the large mass of humanity on the queue to await the next bus.

He leans against the metal railing as other commuters squeeze past his line to get to their embarkment points.

He closes his eyes and sighs.

He remembers the dreams he had of getting a lucrative job and owning his own car before thirty .

Nigeria has devoured his dreams,the way it did to those before his.

Now, he is thirty one and unemployed.

He thinks of his retired parents who borrowed to pay his fees,how his mother sewed special aso oke for his graduation and travelled all the way from their village in Ilesha alongside his arthritic father to attend the ceremony.

He is jolted from his reverie by the sound of a lady’s yell.

‘Goddess’ is the first word that comes to his mind.

She is lightskinned and petite,with brown faux locs and is dressed in a black pant suit. Her slim feet are incongruously clad in rubber jelly heeled sandals.

The bearded man who bumped into her and spilled her bottle of Mountain Dew is yelling at her.

Aunty, dey look where you dey go oh! This na Eko!

She yells back, fierce little thing that she is.

You no fit say sorry shey? Common sorry!

Kola interjects and takes her arm gently.

It is okay. Leave him be, there’s a lot of craze in the streets of lagos.

She turns to face him as she concurs.

I definitely agree with that

Kola holds her bag as she tries to wipe off the spilled Mountain Dew with a floral hanky.

She smiles her thanks as she collects the bag from him.

And at once, his bad day is swept away by the beauty of the goddess’ gap toothed smile.

Perhaps she will give him her number.

Perhaps she will agree to be the mother of his future children.

But for now he smiles back at her and extends his hand.

Hi, I am Kola.
Written by Miracle Eme

#themedwriting

#mountaindew

#theBlogwillstillbeherewhentheboredomcomes

 
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Posted by on November 2, 2017 in From Us, Uncategorized

 

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MOUNTAIN DEW (1)

MOUNTAIN DEW (1)

PS: this is not a Blog ad for the soft drink ‘Mountain Dew’. Now we’re not saying we wouldn’t market the drink (if you’re ready to pay we’ll advertise anything for you, even cannabis😉) but that is a story for another day.

The Blog team organizes in-house themed writing competitions, which we hope to expand to the general public this holiday season. This week’s theme happens to be ‘Mountain Dew’. Our top two entries were by the incredibly gifted Clinton Durueke and Miracle Eme of the Blog Team. First, we present Clinton’s perspective of the theme. Kindly join us again at exactly 4pm for Miracle’s original piece.

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Where am I?


Lacking full consciousness and in the middle of nowhere, Kofi lacked the strength to answer his question, let alone move or open his eyes. But man, he could marry the aroma that filled the air at that moment. It reminded him of the beloved Ghanaian brand of Jollof rice, which the Nigerians on his Twitter timeline took pleasure in discrediting. Recently, one of them even stated that Ghana Jollof resembled a sacrifice to a certain Ifa priest. They would never understand.

The sacred ways seem gibberish to the uninitiated.

Having burst into a fit of laughter, Kofi’s nostrils picked up a sharp smell that could only be traced to…

Wo be ti piii
One corner one corner one corner

Eye payy

One corner one corner one corner


His eyes didn’t hesitate to come out of retirement. However, his head flew back down in shock, realizing that he was in the midst of leaves in what seemed to be…nowhere. A forest, maybe?

Soon, it became a question of whether to dwell on the pain or to check his phone or to retrace his steps on how in God’s earth he managed to wind up in a forest-like enclave.

A new threat arose when he felt foreign hands dig into his pocket. Kofi turned in shock, but all it revealed was another item on the list of bizzare occurrences for the day.

One Corner is your ringtone?” the ‘native doctor’ asked in the local Twi, laughing. He held Kofi’s Camon C9 upside down, putting in much effort to operate it.

“Where am I? Who are you? How did I get here?” A confused Kofi spoke in English, agitated to the marrow. He tried to move, but it was then he realized that he was strapped to the stump, sacrificial-style.

“The process is almost complete.” This time, someone else spoke. And in English. The Vader behind the voice jolted enough fear through Kofi to prevent him from checking out the new entrant.

So I’ve got a sorcerer and his apprentice. Great.

Kofi was trying to make sense of his situation, but the dew on the leaves around him was not helping matters. He was allergic to sharp-smelling leaves. It wouldn’t have taken long before he began sneezing.

The sorcerer edged towards Kofi, and Kofi witnessed a figure more primal and menacing than his uncle Kwadwo. And the figure, he finallllly discovered, was not a man.

You young people feel you can pollute the land with your useless partying and music. You chose the wrong place.

Sorry ma.

Kofi knew better than to utter his sarcastic reply. “Please, Great one. I know I’ve desecrated the land, but please let me go. I swear, I won’t do it again.”

Too late.” Her reply was rasp and quick. “Our dues must be paid to the mountain god Aafo. Now, take off your jacket.

Man’s not hot.

Are you deaf? Take off your jacket!

I said man’s not hot.

It took a few more seconds before Kofi realised that the apprentice had already cut him lose. Apparently, he was too awestruck by the menacing Ghanaian version of Madea to notice. 

Nice boobs though.

Young man, its like you want to speed up your death, yes?” The apprentice asked. “Take it off.”

Man’s can never be hot.

In reality, Kofi was down to nothing. Lazily, with every bit of apprehension in him, he took off his beloved denim jacket. But it wasn’t until the apprentice started taking off his shoes that he remembered a special but absurd package.

Maami?” he called out humbly. The sorceress’ expression was blank. “I have an offering to make. Something to appease Aafo.”

What would that be?

Smiling, he reached for his bag on the floor and brought out his half-finished bottle of Mountain Dew, from the previous night’s party. “This is the exact drink people offer as propitiation. The bottle is different.”

And you think I’m stupid?” The sorceress boomed out. Kofi was shook. In that moment of silence, Kofi heard footsteps. The footsteps only served as lightning for the thunder to follow.

Gunshots. The police. Skrra papapa!

Invigorated, Kofi ran his right leg into the sorceress’ chin and rammed the bottle of Dew into the apprentice’s nutsack, sending him to the ground. He got his shoes back on, grabbed his bag and his phone and broke into a run. He edged himself in the direction of the sirens cum gunshots, pumping with adrenaline. He paused to check his phone for the previous call. But more surprises.

I’ve been here for four days! And Mum has been calling!

Blinded by his new resolve, Kofi didn’t know when he stepped into an expanse of air that ran down the valley to the creek below.

Written by Clinton Durueke


Published by Great Opara




 
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Posted by on November 2, 2017 in From Us, Uncategorized

 

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THE FIFTEEN MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELORS IN THE FACULTY – ASUU STRIKE EDITION

Pause! If you are a Law student, at this moment two things are certain:

1) You are wondering if the Faculty of Law is truly on strike along with the University of Lagos.

2) You are consumed with one of three things…  65percent attendance, sarahah.com or Law Dinner, if not all three.

Which brings us to this article that you will spend the next fifteen minutes to carefully read, and then proceed to let your feelings known in the comments section.

What you need to know beforehand is, this list was extensively and thoroughly researched (cos you’re paying us salary yeah?), and it is almost absolutely free of all possible bias. Almost!

This yearly list is one of the few things more anxiously anticipated than the next Game of  Thrones episode in the Faculty of Law and on this wet, calm, striking day in August 2017, we present those we see fit as the Faculty’s best.

If you are of the opinion that your name should be on this list…sorry about that. Kindly send us an email of complaint stating your objections and reasons you should be included to lssnerd@gmail.com. 

Everyone else please relax, grab a bottle of that 100naira scam sold by Cocacola, read, enjoy, comment and share.

Without further fuss, from the Year one class and going up, we present…
SOGO GBARADA – Class of ’21

 

Not sure if the right word here  is ‘nerd’  or  ‘weird’.   Sogo  is a different kind of nerd…too weird, even for nerd standards. This should tell the single ladies and other cougars in the house something. If his height manages NOT to intimidate you, and his equally weird music taste is something you can live with (plus, you manage to bypass competition that rhymes with  Joke ), you’re good to go.


OLUWASEUN FADIPE – Class of ’20

Seun is (un)arguably one of his class’ finest. Seun is 6ft tall, quite buff and a beginning but proud member of le Beard Gang! This dark young man has a very tight clique of friends, and he just so happens to be permanently single (along with the entire clique apparently). So be careful ladies, you know what they say about guys in cliques yeah?


ADEBAMIDE AYENI – Class of ’20

Now, this beau has truly got it all. From the looks, to the walk and the talk. The boy is not just fine, he actually has sense too. This is a rarity for most of them, all subs intended. He’s a DJ and actually has legit gigs to his name.

Ps – he rocks a mean flower crown Snapchat filter. And yes, he’s single. So jump in if you dare.
ROBERT ODU – Class of ’19

The Sport god. Hot, super sexy, athletic Robert with the body you just want to…And that smile. It can safely be said that Robert is currently the best sportsman in the Faculty. This dude equally blazed a path into the hearts of the ladies.

Caveat: dating status? Unknown.

Ps – Robert if you ever stumble on this, do all the females a favor, never wear long sleeves to class.
POJU – Class of ’19

The Gentle Giant. Last name unknown. Poju is always around to help. Tall, dark, cute, deep voiced, buff…Poju is ALWAYS around to help. A very reliable guy and good graphic designer that keeps to his close circle of friends and minds his business. Y’all really need to see this boy in jeans, thank god he never wears black and white.
LENNY – Class of ’19

Lenny is a cute, lightskinned, nerd glasses, white chocolate looking member of the class of ’19. Lenny, a defender for his class football team, has an attitude and swagger to still make good boys look super boring. He is famous for his attitude on the pitch. #RedCardGang.


POLOORE JAYEOBA – Class of ’18

Now, this is the one your parents warned you about. The one with the disarming smile and accent from heaven and dayuuum! there’s just something about those eyes.

Caveat: this brother allegedly has a long rap sheet, and he’s on a streak. Just like James Bond,  he only wants the flesh, nothing more. This boxed up omo pastor can smooth talk you into eating the forbidden fruit, if care is not taken. But then, some of you want that particular fruit so…
IFEOLUWA KOLAWOLE – Class of ’18

This guy is so under the radar that not many people notice his beauty. He sings and lord! does he sing well. He’s fine, his skin glows…but before we get further distracted, the main point is that he’s single. We rest our case.
MICHAEL FALEYE – Class of ’18

Mr Senate President. Black boy of the Federal Republic of the LSS. Michael is finer than a summer day and has a smile that opens up the taps. Rumor has it that what this guy lacks in height, he fully makes up for in…other areas. His ‘ashewo mode’ seems to have been activated this year as he’s allegedly putting girls in body bags left, right and center. Mikollo as he is fondly called is a member of his class football team. Wait member? Lol yes, member.


UTHMAN ABDULLAH – Class of ’18

Uthman is no doubt a handsomely moulded work of art. Looks? Height? He’s got it all. Although his afro is definitely what stands him out the most. That thing costs a fortune to maintain. Apparently, he possesses a dark side too as we hear he has a roster of his ‘dealings’. He does not need your love, just you. He is also definitely on the market, so why not just trap him at the Law Dinner with that extra cleavage revealing outfit?


VICTORY ABANG – Class of ’17

What is a bachelor’s list without this fine male specimen? Tall, light skinned, great hairline, no potbelly…the fulfilment of every girl’s dreams. Abang is a former HOC of the Justice Kayode-Eso Chambers. Ladies please be careful around him, lest a particular female feel threatened. You have been warned.
YOMI OGUNDARE – Class of ’17

Or  Rolake as he is fondly called, whichever you prefer. Sweet, sensitive, kind, easy on the eyes…Yomi! Don’t let your eyes linger too long though, unless you believe that having a girlfriend is no barrier to true love. In which case you have our best wishes.
ILEMOBADE OLATERU-OLAGBEGI – Class of ’17

The name speaks for itself, need we say more? President of the Maritime Forum, University of Lagos, focused, hardworking and with two very cute dimples. We are certain you are not the only one with a crush on this guy, we love him too. He just might be perfect.
RAHMAN APALARA – Class of ’17

Rahman of the Mooting Society. Rahman with the nerdy glasses. Rahman with the looks and intellect of Sheldon Cooper. This bright, confident, soft spoken young man is the future. So ladies, now is the time to start planning your future kids. Wouldn’t you want a Rahmy junior running about in a couple of years?
BAFEWA SANNI – Class of ’17

Bafewa Sanni has probably made every eligible bachelors list since he entered the Faculty. Bafewa Sanni will probably make every eligible bachelors list until he retires. Tall, fine, tall, dark skinned, tall, rich, tall, model, tall! Bafewa is always served hot and ready to go. So ladies, if you think you’ve got the appetite for this spicy dish, Please shoot your shot. Time is not on your side.

🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

So there you have it folks, our ASUU strike edition of the Eligible Bachelors list. And ladies, the very dope part is, we have it on good authority that majority of these fine ass gentlemen will be at the Law Dinner tomorrow. Therefore, the only relevant question now is… where will you be?

#EligibleBachelors2017

#LawDinner2017

#FashionPoliceTomorrow

#etcetera


Published by Great Opara,

For the Lss Blog.

 

 
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Posted by on August 17, 2017 in From Us

 

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TRUTH OR WASH?

Good evening people. First things first. If this ‘holiday’ is not going as planned for you, then the Blog Committee is here to rescue you. If you are, however, enjoying the holiday on the other hand…. lol kindly indulge us please.
Okay. How many of us strongly remember that Eldee’s ‘Wash Wash‘ song back in 2011? You do? Chai! My sister you need to get married and FAST! age is no longer on your side.
Anyway, this article is based loosely around the ‘wash‘ concept. Now we all know what a ‘wash‘ is. All those supposedly little white lies and ‘formats’ that we all drop once in a while, just to feel bad ass. Relax! We all do it and it’s truly nothing to feel ashamed of.
As Law students, we present ourselves as the “crème-de-la-crème” of the entire University of Lagos society. And it’s true of course…for the most part. Sometimes however, our crème (cream) is just a little bit spoilt and rotten.
This article is dedicated to all those little lies and washes that go hand-in-hand with our black and white, well polished brogues, beautiful hairstyles and gigantic, over priced textbooks.
The rules are simple: Just Drop A Wash. That’s it. Drop a wash in the comment box. A popular wash. A funny wash. One that hits you close to home. One that irritates you. Any wash whatsoever. We’re basically giving you an opportunity to vent and rant. You can even include the name of the person who’s known for dropping that particular wash, along with the wash (if you get the mind shaa).
For example:
Year4 student running for LSS President: “I’ve never had a carryover before. Ah! Yes o, only A’s and B’s. And I don’t even know where the Law Library is”
LMUN person who’s never spoken to you before: “ahn ahn, my guy how far nw? How’s your dad? And your mum? And your brother? And sister? And your second brother? And that your roommate? What about your studies? Anyway, have you heard that LMUN…”
That popular Head of Chamber/ Association: ” Ah! You have to join my Chamber. It’s the best Chamber. In fact, we’re just the best everything. Yes! 200 internships every holiday. You know nw. That’s just how we do. Price of form? It’s just 1K bros”
I’m sure you all get the general idea. So please, fill up the comments section with all the ‘Faculty of Law‘ washes you can think of. Let’s all laugh away Company Law, Land Law, Criminal Law and Contract. Please ehn, let them be as funny, thought provoking and reasonable as you can think of. Don’t forget reasonable o, cos when someone is stabbing you behind Jaja hostel, we shall not be there to save you.
Finally, with the way this thing has been hyped, all the ‘Chaos‘ and ‘chaos is coming‘ everywhere, you’re probably expecting a prize or something for the comment with the most views/likes. lol sorry about that. No vex. Stop expecting please, there’s no money for prize giving in this economy abeg.
So go ahead, drop your favorite washes in the comment section, laugh, like, share, move on, come back et cetera. Ejoor!
#ChaosHasCome
Published by Great Opara

For the Blog Team

 
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Posted by on May 5, 2017 in From Us

 

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MEET THE 2017 BLOG COMMITTEE 

Hello and good day. The greatest stories ever told are always the ones that involve rebirth. Or the conquering of a nemesis. Stories like ‘Hercules’ finally manning up and defeating Hades in his own cabal and ‘The Phoenix’ rising from the dying flames and ashes to become version 2.0, or even Buhari finally succeeding in his bid for the presidency (allow us please, we’re going somewhere). The point is this is one of such stories, albeit in a slightly different context.

       In the faculty of law, there has also been those select individuals who make the business of everyone else their own business. These individuals who by the blood of their pens and strength of their intellect, seek to simply inform the world the best way they know how…by writing. They are the fashion police, the gossip columnists, social media warlords, political commentators and sports analysts. They breathe to write and write to breathe. You may know them by many names but to us, they are simply ‘The Blog Committee’ and today we present these maestros to you. Meet the 2017 Blog Committee.

​1. Charles Durueke

Class of ’21

Segment: photojournalism, fiction

– Charles is a witty chap (from another dimension) with an unbreakable love for FC Barcelona, jollof rice and most importantly, writing.

2. Efemena Gabriel Enivwenaye

Class of ’20

Segment: sports

– Efe is in love with sports. He believes his sporting knowledge definitely influences his writing.

3. Titilope Adedokun

Class of ’20

Segment: lifestyle, reviews, interviews

– Titilope is a writer who dreams of an incredible future complete with great people, amazing opportunities, fancy flowers and great food.

4. Oyindasola Onwuchekwa

Class of ’20

Segment: literature/writing, News and Events

– Oyindasola is a female young person who loves to read and write about everything under the sun. She sees writing as a way of expressing her imagination and gets her inspiration from real life experiences (sometimes)

5. Martin Achimugu

Class of ’20

Segment: fiction

– Martin is a big fan of movies and animations and is either asleep or eating most of the time.

6. Joshua Nwabuikwu

Class of ’20

Segment: imaginative writing

– Joshua is a rebel, anti conventional and is a hip hop head.

7. Dolapo Omotoso Oreoluwa

Class of ’19

Segment: barely legal

– Dolapo is a social writer who believes a single day in Lagos has a thousand stories just waiting to be told.

8. Folashade Edun

Class of ’19

Segment: literature/writing

– Folashade has a keen eye for details around her and out of this profound observation for her environment stems her love for writing.

9. Oluwatoyin Fadoju

Class of ’19

Segment: opinion

– Oluwatoyin is a purpose driven woman whose passion lies in making people understand the deeper aspects of life and this she firmly believes has influenced her writing.

10. Samuel Ajayi

Class of ’19

Segment: politics

– Samuel Ajayi is SamAzing, an award winning debater and Pen Lord.

11. Ayomide Alajogun

Class of ’19

Segment: poetry

– Ayo considers herself too awesome for this planet. She is a hopeless romantic who can find a song to sing for everything you say. She is also a music junkie.

12. Olamide Davis

Class of ’19

Segment: law geek

– Olamide hopes to inspire the world, one article at a time.

13. Taiwo Famakinde

Class of ’19

Segment: opinion

– passionate writer. music freak

14. Miracle Eme

Class of ’18

Segment: fiction

– Miracle is an ambivert and avid writer with an addiction for the written word.

15. Oluwamayowa Akinyemi

Class of ’18

Segment: News and Events, fiction

– Oluwamayowa is a twenty-something year old multifaceted artist, avid reader of almost anything written in English, the first of three children and enjoys writing both fact and fiction.

16. Tomiwa Adebanjo

Class of ’18

Segment: diaries, fiction

– Greatness in a small human form; lover of beans.

Great Opara

Class of ’18

Segment: Blog admin

– First of his name. Writer. Public Speaker. Defender of the Blog

 
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Posted by on February 15, 2017 in From Us

 

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THE LAST DAY OF CHRISTMAS (LONGEST ARTICLE EVER SEEN ON THE LSS BLOG) 

For the past year, a group of people have been working to produce the content on this blog. A group of writers, editors, analysts, critics. A Team. And to end the year, and our tenure, we have all decided to give you one last article. Below is a set of pieces, from the people behind your favorite columns, written individually, but put up collectively. So that you can enjoy a buffet, befitting of the festive period. An all you can read buffet. So who is your favorite blog author, is it the famed SamAzing or is it the brain behind “Chronicles of the Illegally Legal”, Great Opara;  find them, and read them… As you do all the rest of us. 



THE FIRST DAY : WURAOLA FAGBAMIYE 

CLASS OF ’17. BEAUTY QUEEN. CONTRIBUTOR TO ‘SELF HELP FOR DUMMIES’

Final Leap

The cold bit into her feet as she walked. Cold and alone she shivered but made no attempt to run for shelter and warmth. She had her mind made up on where exactly she was going to be in the nearest future; at the bottom of the bridge buried under the waves and suffocating to death. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on December 31, 2016 in From Us, Uncategorized

 

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OVERALL BEST GRADUATING STUDENT FROM LAW SCHOOL 2016 – AYO KADIRI

Law School is hard. Your lowest grade is your graduating class. There is a lot of pressure. 

These are a few of the things we hear about The Nigerian Law School, which is the final gate, standing between us, and our License to practice the Legal profession in Nigeria. And so making a 2.1 from Law School is no small feat. It means your lowest grade was a B! Now talk about bagging a First Class! Means you made a straight 5 points! But that is not all…to be best graduating student, it means your individual grades were the highest! You 5.0 was the ‘5.0-iest’…and that, is a big deal. A very VERY big deal!

It is our pleasure to announce that this year, the singular person who achieved this feat is one of ours. Ayo Kadiri of the Law Class of ’15 just got called to the Bar, and it was no small call. Before she went on to do this, we’ll have you know that while still in school, she was a founding member of the Blog Committee, an Exco of the Gani Chambers, Editor in Chief of the Lex Observer, was the first representative of the Tax Club at the Tax Quiz of the Annual Tax Conference…and she made a 2.1.

What prospects the Legal profession holds for her cannot be imagined, as she is already being terribly coveted by law firms all over Nigeria, the UK, and beyond. We will be sure to keep our fingers crossed, and our ears open for her news when she takes the scene. Did we forget to say, Congratulations Barrister Ayodele Kadri!

Who said hard work doesn’t pay……oh that’s right, Nobody.

Published By William-Adusa Hosanna and Great Opara

ayo-kadiri

 

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