The Journal of a Multi-Colored Lawyer – Anti-Valentine

By Mayowa Folami
I do believe I’m absolutely completely not looking forward to Sunday. I mean, I would like to be alive and well but Sunday is Valentine’s Day and I don’t like Valentine’s Day ! Yes, I’m a single lady who will probably not get a fake rose (not like I don’t have a good attitude or anything because I’m a nice girl; sometimes, that is.) or even 50 naira robo robo sweet…so spare me the incessant reminders that Valentine’s Day is coming.

But wait a minute, why is Valentine’s Day even celebrated? It’s not like it’s even a public holiday. It’s just a means of extortion as it is capitalist propaganda. If anything at all, it makes me long for the colour Black. Valentine’s turns the people into politicians, couples feel the need to buy exorbitant gifts to please and appease their lovers and for those without lovers…well they go in search of one (Infact I could probably get one before Sunday if I wanted).

 

THE JOURNAL OF A MULTICOLOURED LAWYER : I Hate Holidays

Have you had days that you don’t want to wake up I mean it’s not like you want to die, it’s just you don’t want to wake up….from your bed. So there I lie on my bed thinking of how I woke up to another dead day, what good could possibly come out from today when I foolishly agreed to be a delivery man and help my friend deliver her boyfriend’s birthday cake to him.

I kept asking myself why I agreed in the first place then I remembered she bribed me, I even convinced her too you see there’s nothing a large box of barbecue pizza and big bowl of cold stone ice cream can’t solve. Then I remembered yesterday and I cringed, I went to debonairs feeling like a boss, I ordered pizza ready to launch my newly collected atm card which was fine by the way until the cashier or whatever is called tried using pos and my card got declined three times! Talk about the feeling of despair. I was silently losing it I mean I crossed borders to reach this place, I left that local ozone, leisure mall and even shoprite surulere to find myself in lekki, the universe is working against me or maybe it’s the spirit of all my exes.

 

THE JOURNAL OF A MULTICOLOURED LAWYER: KARMA AND ITS WAYS

We all have to agree that sometimes karma is beyond ruthless even though most times we find ourselves at fault like this time where I was actually at fault.

You see I’m not exactly a bad person, I just have days were I’m particularly nasty and that day was the case.

I had gone to the salon with my friend and her older sister, she took us to this big salon in surulere where most celebrities frequent. If you ask me, salons are the same fancy or no fancy, the workers gossip like crazy and there’s always drama. So we started talking about random things which included insulting people.

We had this habit of insulting funny outfits or whatever we thought was bad, my friend was particularly nasty, she went as far as saying one innocent pregnant woman looked like bag of rice.

Then a tall skinny lady obviously in her late twenties entered the salon, immediately we launched attack, you can’t blame us, the lady was actually all uppity like a boss. My friends like

“Look at this skinny alien”

And as God will have it, the lady sat beside us, you would think that would shut us up but we continued

 

JOURNAL of A MULTI-COLORED LAWYER – I have a Stalker

By Mayowa Folami

Back in the days when I was really into Facebook, I had over 2,000 friends in short I was enjoying my social media life until twitter and instagram came in and I kind of forgot what Facebook was. So imagine how appalled and frightened I was when I heard I had a stalker on Facebook.

I was lying down on my bed one day when my younger sister tapped me and asked if I had changed my Facebook name and I’m like no but she’s like her friend just sent her this. She showed me a screenshot of someone using my profile picture but with a different name and I’m like come on, this is normal and she was like no then she showed me a chat her friend sent to her.

 

The Journal Of A Multi Coloured Lawyer: You Are Not High Fashion

By Mayowa Folami

You see that’s how one faithful day I woke up determined to change my ways, you see days like that rarely come so I got up early, mind you my definition of early is 11am and dressed up for school, I was sure I already missed class even though Ladi my human alarm had called me several times earlier to wake me up, blame it on my late night romantic and equally funny Korean movies or the fact that I spend hours fantasizing about my celebrity husband or how badly i needed to blow before going to bed in the wee hours of the morning either way I don’t sleep early in fact I was diagnosed with DSD just ask Dr Adegoke if you think I’m lying.