ONCE UPON A LAW STUDENT…CONTINUES

In case anyone missed me, I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a while. Year 4 has me feeling overwhelmed. Honestly, I think it is the ‘make-it-or-break-it‘ year, its been one helluva journey so far. Also, with the new blog committee and the wonderful content they’ve been spinning, well let me just say I’ve not been feeling like a good writer lately. But, you’re all stuck with me (haha) so here I am, writing again.

Ehen! So dass how, one beloved day like that, last week Tuesday to be exact, I finally got the hottest guy in the faculty of law to take me out on a date! After years of singing, ‘Oluwa provide a boo o..‘, my prayers have been answered…. or not. Lmao! I’m kidding. Not about the ‘hot’ part but the ‘boo’ part… and technically, it was not a date, say hello to my nonexistent love life, just 2 friends going to see a movie. Which one? LOGAN babyy! Who’d pass up a chance to see Wolverine in action? I’d go into details of the movie but I’m no spoiler. All I can say is y’all need to see it! I still can’t believe that thing happened to Professor X and that Logan actually di…. oops! Sorry about that.

Anyway, I was in charge of transportation o. I ordered the Uber o. But then, a girl forgot that the number she used to register the Uber account was her mother’s number. Next thing I know, she’s calling me 2 seconds later, informing me that ‘one man’ called her, telling her that he was outside, waiting for her. I mentally slapped myself for the slip! The conversation ended with her telling me, ‘Very soon, all your secrets will be exposed!‘ Faaammm! I was shook! That’s not the end o! About 20 minutes into the movie, she called again, I kid you not! I just left the phone there to ring on…. What’s the worst that could happen? Lol. I went home over the weekend and mom c let me know in no uncertain terms that she’s not sending me to school for men to be taking me out. I tried to explain that it was just the uber driver bhet…. you know Yoruba mothers.

The journey back to school is another story on its own. The conductor of the first bus I entered was a tout in every sense of the word! He was so hilariously rude, I almost choked on my laughter! Immediately I got on the bus, he started hurling insults at the driver for heaven-knows-what. His next target was a poor man who spent too long trying to get his wallet out of his pocket to pay his fare, which was a bit of a hassle, especially since he was crumpled between 2 generously weighted women. I sent a quick prayer heavenwards that at no point in the roughly 45 minutes I had to spend on the bus would his uncouth tongue be directed towards me! The man practically chased down 3 grown men who were planning to lap themselves in the bus! Emphasis on the grown o! I was quite pleased with that because, no really, bus that is already hot, cramped, uncomfortable and smelly, you now want to coman use your own to disturb the peace of the nation? For what now? 50 naira transport fare o! Seriously shame is almost nonexistent nowadays.

Moving on. Guys this is real time talk….. I have been in this library since 9.00a.m. This is 7.00p.m. and I can honestly say that I have read anything but the books I brought to read! I have been flicking through novel after novel on my phone, absolutely ignoring the land law books I lugged out of my hostel this morning! I need motivation to finish the semester, it has definitely been my most daunting so far. I wish I could just win a trip to a really exotic place, Bahamas maybe? But no. Things like that won’t happen to someone. Ordinary Ozone sef someone cannot go in peace without her mother breathing down her neck. Right now I just want Coco Pops.

Written By Tomiwa Adebanjo

Published By Great Opara

 

ONCE UPON A LAW STUDENT…HOLIDAY SPECIAL #2

 

 

*Forgive me in advance guys, this post is going to be a little ‘deep’.*

My week has been quite uneventful, literally. Internship has proved to be quite a breeze. Really. I mean I just sit by the window in the office and enjoy the breeze, because there’s nothing else to do. I do nothing at all in the office… oh wait, there’s Cooking Fever, Candy Crush, novels, Instagram… well, I can’t say I do nothing now that I think about it. Who can even blame the lawyers? Before they’ll coman gimme case to work on and something wee happen and somehow somehow, someone will hear ‘contempt of court’ and next thing, prison for 5 days. Biko, let’s just continue like this. (Dont mind me. I’ve been paranoid since I learnt about the offence ‘contempt of court’)

 

This past weekend, the youth of my church went for an outreach. Every year for 15 years now, my church has organised an outreach program where church members, youth to be precise, go to villages and less-privileged communities to spread the gospel and also give them gifts including food, clothes, stationery and other things. This year, for the first time in my entire life, I was allowed to go for the outreach. Can someone say adult? Lool! You guys don’t even want to hear the story behind this permission that I was given! My mother made it clear that to her, I will always be a child.

 

ONCE UPON A LAW STUDENT. HOLIDAY SPECIAL #1

*after vigorous cleaning*

Hey!

I hope your holiday’s been going better than mine because I know I am just about fed up of hearing my name! Seriously, I’m going to change it to some other name, say Folake (lol… Folake how is studies:D) No no… I’m changing it to Ohema 😀 I love that name.
Anyway, I have decided to finally intern, whoop whoop! Yup, this lazy ass is finally going to do something useful to her career but, as I’m sure you can guess, its more of an escape from home than anything else. See ehn, it was either this internship or faking a chronic illness, which is darn impossible! I can just visualise the various concoctions, condiments and what-nots that will be shoveled down my throat in the name of agbo! Someone has not even fallen sick yet they’re already giving me orishirishi to consume. The last time I complained of cough, Oh Lord, the colour of the concoction alone was enough to make me proclaim a miraculous healing!

 

ONCE UPON A LAW STUDENT

Well, I finally decided that it is time to raise this journal up and out of the grave. The last time you heard from me, I think there was some running involved. Between that time and now, not much has happened to your homegirl, who lives under a rock.
For the most part, my days have been filled with reading and more reading and, guess what? While my mates are waiting for Season 7 of Game of Thrones, I just started watching it. I know I’m not the only one that didn’t know what a ‘Game of Thrones’ was until a month ago so don’t judge. So yes, my days have been filled with that too. But don’t worry, Jenifa is still bae:D.
Now, I’m going to leave you guys with a piece I wrote. I’d love to know what you think about it. I wrote this on a very random day and…. welll, enjoy.

Sometimes I just stop and wonder, ‘Why do Nigerians have no chill?!!”
Its quite true if you think about it; we rush for almost everything: food, clothes, water, even if they will be useless to us, so long as it’s a freebie or it goes for cheap. Hey, hey, hey, don’t even try to exempt yourself from this generalization, you’re involved in this too and you know it 😛 Lol.
But seriously, what’s the hurry?
I was in the market yesterday, Bariga if you must know, and Lord!! I can’t even believe I survived it.
Lemme paint a typical Bariga market scene for you

 

Once Upon A Law Student

Would it be really weird if I said that I really cannot wait for this ‘holiday’ to be over?

If you think it is, I’m sure your opinion will change after this mini-rant I’m about to begin.

   Somehow somehow, it seems that my family has forgotten that I was born into it and not bought or hired or even adopted. I swear I have become the housegirl in this house! Seriously guys, no jokes! I can’t continue like this!
Can you imagine my mother, a typical Yoruba mother, being in the kitchen and calling, scratch that, SHOUTING for me, in my room, to come and give her milk, said milk being in the fridge right beside her! You can imagine the look on my face after sprinting from my room, where I had been sleeping happily, to the kitchen to see what had happened to my ‘dear’ mom, to make her shout so, only to discover that it was to pass the milk! As I stared at her incredulously, different thoughts were racing through my mind….. Should I sit on the floor and start crying? Pull my hair out? Bang my head against the wall? Break the T.V? Burn the house? Lol. I can joke about it now but at the time, it wasn’t in the least bit funny-_-.

 

Once Upon A Law Student

    As I type this, I feel nothing but pain. I had already typed up my post, and I was so proud of it, and then guess what happened… It was saved on my phone and, as luck would have it, the stupid phone decided to just… spoil! Like, its not even funny… I am extremely upset! My own sweat and blood just…… gone! Ok its never that serious… but still! If that phone was a person, I wouldn’t hesitate to strangle it, then stab it, then smash it into the canal at the university back gate….. Oh my goodness…. is it just me, or does that sound really psychotic? I’m just joking ooo! Before something wee coman happen they’ll na use this as evidence against somebody in court… All these lawyers-to-be…Please o. Anyhow, speaking of the canal at the university back gate ;)….. How many of you guys passed there on Friday just to get out of school? Those of you that did, I hail you o…. You are the real hustlers of Unilag! All those babes that like to form posh and tush….. We saw all of you o… From jumping over the fence to crawling under the gates to passing inside the canal and looking like the Israelites when Moses parted the Red Sea, everybody turned into an athlete! Seriously guys, it was chaotic. Very very unnecessary rubbish. To now top it all, the sun was now doing ‘Who is the hottest’ competition with everyone!  

  That fateful Friday, after waking up by 5 a.m to hustle for water to bath with, and taking a quick shower, I got back to the room only to hear the porter announcing, with pride and over-inflated ego in his voice, that we should all get out of the hostels before 10 a.m! I mean, we all suspected that they would tell us to leave the hostels but not before 10 a.m.! In my mind I was just wondering at the speed of karma. Just the day before, I had saucily told my mother that I wasn’t going to come home and now, I was being left with no other option… Hmm… the gods of my mother, I doff my hat to you!

  Anyway, by 9.00, bags were packed and we were all ready to leave the hostels and what did we hear? That once you get to New Hall, your bag will be seized and you’ll be forced to join in the protest! Another person came and said, ‘New Hall ke! You won’t even get outside Moremi gate before they chase you back with sticks!’ Everyone started acting drama but trust me, as a calm Yoruba girl, I simply went back to my bed, dozed small, ate cereal, read my novel and finally, by 10 o’something, we were allowed to move.

There were at least 4 police vans at the Afe Babalola Hall roundabout! With policemen with faces that said, ‘I’m ready to blow off your head!’ The Police is your friend indeed! The trekking began o. It was serious. Under the hot sun, I lost all the fat I never even had. When we had passed New Hall, some people , who were coming from the gate, came and told us to just turn back… that the gate was blocked and there was no way through. We looked back and decided.. Forward ever! We went to sit at the chapel to wait out the lock-up. What a wait it was! About 2 hours into the wait, I got information from a friend that there was an opening around Environmental Sciences and I should hurry there. Guys, it was that day I knew I was a runner! I ran there, with my big bags, and, I met what seemed like thousands of people there, just as I was about to go down the stairs, these guys just came with big sticks, no big branches, and started screaming,

   ‘Get back! Get back! Ehn! Are you people mad?! We are here fighting for you and you want to run away like cowards? Are you mad?’ I almost replied, ‘Oga who send you message?’ but then, I took a long look at the branch and quickly decided that I didn’t want that thing landing anywhere on my body and I obediently went back. I went to the main gate to survey the situation and there was actually a part of the fence where some thugs were collecting money from girls to lift them over. One look at the way the girls were indiscreetly being fondled in the process and I quickly turned away.  
  After waiting for another hour, I had just decided to go back to the hostel and chill, in fact I was on my way, when I heard that they had opened the gate! Freedom at last! I finally got out of school only to discover another tragedy… there were absolutely no buses and the transport fare had been hiked! Yaba was now #300 (talk about extortion!) and Oyingbo buses were nowhere to be found. I wanted to start weeping but I decided to walk to Onike, still with my heavy bags… It was awful. The hand of one of the bags now cut and I was wondering, ‘Why do bad things happen to good people?’ I got there, no bus, so I had to take a bike :o.. My mother would have smacked me!

  To cut the epistle short, I am safely home and now that I look back on that Friday, I can laugh and display all my teeth in the process, but at the time it wasn’t funny at all! Now, the boredom is hitting me so hard, sometimes I just want to cry. But at least there’s food… That’s an upside 😀 Enjoy your compulsory holiday guys, we don’t know how long its going to last.

    P.S.  For the guys, I’ll advise you to goan learn vulcanising, bricklaying and mechanic-ing? And the ladies, Aunty Jenifa is still available abi? Goan meet her and learn ear-dressing, learn fashun dezaining from Aunty Shalom and make-up from Dami Bote…. Just to make extra cash during this indefinite suspension… Ciao

 

ONCE UPON A LAW STUDENT 3

‘I’ve been gone for too long,
Think its time I bring it back’
You guys remember that jam? Ciara? Gimme that?
Yea that line totally applies to me right now 🙂
Speaking of Ciara….. That woman, in less than a week, has totally rocked Lagos more than I have , in my almost-2-decades of existence here! Ah ahn! Someone actually tweeted, and I quote,
‘Please how much are they paying Ciara? These people have overworked her shaa! From dancing shoki to shakitibobo etc. E remain small she for hawk bread!’
I swear that killed me *ROTFL*