“To make someone disappear, ask them to fulfil their promises”- Mason Cooley.
Hi, it’s Ignis again. First off, I don’t know who Mason Cooley is. Second, I think the aforementioned quote is the reason that there is an absence of the elected president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. The man came and made promises…and just like always, we fell for them, but when it came time to perform and make good on those promises, he….vanished. Before I go further, this post addresses two disappearing acts: that of PMB and that of the man known as “Evans“. (For clarity, the name “Evans”, is the inspiration for this topic).
Now, to PMB. It is no longer news to anyone that our president loves to travel. And you know, somewhere in the Guide To Being Irresponsible, it is stated clearly that the next best thing after a solid ten hour sleep, is to leave your duty post and delegate all your assignments to your next-in-chain-of-command and just abscond on a journey of several other journeys just before dying. You know what I define as irresponsibility? It’s not having a lackadaisical attitude to your duties or obligations as much as it is asking for the opportunity to bear a burden that you know is well beyond you. And that’s fine, we’re used to it. Matter of fact, for those who were around between 2007 and shortly thereafter, this feels like déjà vu. Irresponsibility is in our very culture, and I’m sure my migos can relate to that. My actual problem is that Nigerians are here talking about restructuring all over the place like we don’t know how it’ll all play out in the end. People are over here clamouring, some for secession, others for so far undefined rehabilitation of the state of affairs while those with all the money are getting major bag alerts. It’s a sad story indeed. Even this Nnamdi Kanu or what’s his name shouting “Biafra” upandan is just using you people to create hype around himself. Lol. The truth of the matter is that we all know that there will not be any restructuring at all but just like the exceptionally wise creations that we are, we choose to deceive ourselves by taking to media to hashtag the topic. Low key, I’m just over here waiting earnestly for Beyonce to drop the load she’s carrying so that Linda Ikeji can have something meaningful to post about for a change. Well for those of you who are still waiting for PMB to come back from wherever and wave his Midas hand over Nigeria and restructure the already deficient materials with which this entity, Nigeria was built,……I salute your patience and amazing threshold for bull crap. And that’s putting it lightly.
I’d like for us to please talk about Mr. Evans. This man is a very interesting personality. Matter of fact, I dare call him a celeb. The Pablo of our time. It is people like this that make tabloids sell. But before we go into his own disappearing act, let us briefly look into his criminal life. Now, this man has been into every shady business you can think of, most notably armed robbery and kidnapping for so many years and somehow he managed to stay under the radar….or maybe he was settling relevant law enforcement authorities for a while but then things turned sour and now they’re trying to make it all look like a Hollywood storyline. This Evans guy was such a sensation that the police officers couldn’t resist a snapchat session with him. They took the guy in, gave him all the basic necessities of life, and called it an arrest ,………than all of a sudden, he “vanished”. Lol. Nigerians are actually wonderful. They believe Evans escaped. Evans that probably had this all figured out from the beginning. Get “arrested”, make headlines, “threaten” the police, and mysteriously disappear from custody, and from the face of the earth altogether….creating more headlines. Just like it is in Narcos. I actually won’t be surprised if someone made a movie out of Evans. I actually expect to start seeing memorabilia of the (in)famous son of several fathers. I bet Anini and Sina Rambo are somewhere looking on at this Evans guy with some special kind of pride. Hmmm…the truth is, I feel like the guy is underrated and under celebrated. I mean, how can I have so much blood and so much money on my hands and not get my own reality show?? OJ Simpson was more popular for the case against him than for being an NFL player, so, what then are we talking about?? I’d actually be annoyed if there wasn’t a cinematic reproduction of the chronicles of this legend. He deserves it. After all, we know what Nigeria does to people like that, they never actually go to jail. They just get amnesty and go to live a quiet life somewhere. Or even participate actively in politics….it’s the structure that we’re used to. Anyways, I think I’ve said enough for one article. I’ve got to get to church for the “Special Prayer for the return of our President” prayer meeting (the entirety of which I would be using WiFi). So, on that note, I rest my pen…
Uhm, can someone please help me to help a brother who’s been stuck on a canoe somewhere in Ajah since Saturday please? Thank you. And while you’re at it, kindly send me a direct link to those pictures of Blac Chyna that were leaked by her bae….I need them for a project. Thank you…
Written By Mayowa Akinyemi
Published By Great Opara