Hi there, I’m Ignis. And yes, I’m still very much alive, thank you. I’ve been home for an eternity now and a lot has been happening: From one strike to another, and then insurgency, ant-terrorism (something about some serpent dancing), and most of all,….a “struggle for another Biafra“. You see that last one? That’s what I want to talk about today.
Now, I’ve been seeing posts by “celebs” and other relevant parties, some (definitely unemployed or unencumbered) youth talking about dialogue and how the whole Biafra issue is gonna affect us negatively, and I’m over here like “Una dey mad??” Who’s scared of a war?? Let’s fight this war! I’m in support! Is it not backwardness we’re used to in this country?? Is it not what we appreciate?? And low key, do we, each and all, not just want a “nation” comprising only our tribe? Which is obviously the solution to the problem that “the White man created”? We were doing just fine in our own tribes and villages and there was no Nigeria. There was no need for a Nigeria. But then, some idiot with the moustache came and did amalgamation and united everybody as one against our will. Nonsense! We don’t want! Why be Nnamdi Azikiwe, when you can be Nnamdi Kanu?? Why don’t we let the ramblings of one man -who until recently, had been abroad and observing the leadership (or lack thereof) of this country, and by creating some wiseass radio station, is now agitating for what ought to have been done since,- move us forward and in the right direction?? Why are we so resistant to change?? The only way forward is to all go our separate ways! Let the Igbos go with their Yaba and Marina markets, their Iheanacho, their PSquare, their Tekno, and their Ofe Nsala, ain’t nobody need that sh*t! Let the Hausas go with their Obioma, their expertise in shoe shining and money changing, let them go with their plenty money, their fine babes, and their tomatoes, we do not want! We’re done! Let’s have Biafra, Northern Nigeria, and Southwestern Nigeria with Lagos as the capital, (the rest of you cannot have your own country, you’re in the minority), and let’s see how well that works. That’d be great, yeah? So, if you have an Igbo landlord in Lagos and you’re still trying to save up for rent, stop! Use that money to buy an AK-47 and when the landlord comes asking for his bar, you step up to him like bang dada dang, and open fire on the “fool” like “Skrrrrraaa! Pop pop ka ka ka! Skibbi did pop pop!” and “Brrrr boom poom poom!” Nonsense! Whatever happens next is your responsibility though, my own is to incite madness and ignorance..
Seriously though, I like the way this is all going,…cause at this rate, we’ll all be free of each other and we’ll be a much better…..confederation or whatever? We’ll sha be on our own, it’s easier to be led by someone that’s your kinsman, so that you don’t come here and start lying against Buhari and Jonathan, see Brazil? No problem. See India? No problem. See Britain? No problem. See Jamaica? No problem. Let’s be like those ones, and leave all these other dumbass Africans in their stagnancy. Even Trump realises that too many peoples in one entity issa problem. For example, if the slaves had returned to their land after “civilisation“, we wouldn’t have the Kardashians.
So, guys, that’s basically it for today, but before I go, who else has noticed that everyone seems to be using this Whatsapp status feature as a cheaper alternative to Snapchat??
Written by Mayowa Akinyemi
Disclaimer: The views herein expressed are strictly that of the writer. The Lss Blog assumes no responsibility for whatever interpretation may be made of its content.