BABY GIRL.

Maybe it was me…
maybe I got it all wrong,
But how could I have been mistaken.
I saw you
I felt you
All through the years..
You were there.
Or were you only a part of my imagination?
The memories in my head.
I couldn’t….couldn’t have made them up

Couldn’t have made up the lies we told.
The songs we sang
The laughter that rang out at the irritation of everybody else
The inside jokes
No.
No, they weren’t made up.

We were stark opposites!
While my hair was tough and stubborn
Yours was slick and soft
While mine stuck out like sharp ice edges
Yours was straight with minimal effort.

While my skin was gold,
Yours shone in chocolatey goodness
We were the talk of the town
We were it.
an exemplary friendship.

But slowly my jokes began to sound clichéd in your ears.
My thousand exclamation marks replied with a full stop.
My messages were left for me to reply them.
This wasn’t ego.

I could remember…this was one memory I couldn’t have imagined.
I wanted to tell you so badly, about Nosa.
You remember Nosa?
Short, fair.
Handsome…like the devil.
Yes…the love of my life.
I could still feel the tingling excitement even to the tip of my fingers.
My whole being shook!
Goodness! I couldn’t wait to tell you about him.
I poured out my heart, my soul, into that text baby girl.
But you were so cold.
I felt the excitement drain right out of my body.
Suddenly Nosa didn’t make me feel anymore.
Because you wouldn’t respond.

It was maddening baby girl.
The way you could affect me.
I hated myself.
…I hated being pathetic.
Baby girl, did you think I was pathetic?
Did you?.
Did you think I was a leech?

Nosa died baby girl.
and I was furious.
I was mad.
Mad at myself for wanting your approval
For waiting for your validation for something I needed.
I waited and waited for you to say something before I got with him.
Nosa was sick baby girl.
With each passing second that I waited,
Nosa’s health deteriorated.
And I suspected nothing!.
Maybe if I had, I wouldn’t have waited for you.

But this isn’t about Nosa.

I was mad at you baby girl.
You didn’t matter.
You never did.
I’m tempted to laugh at the sheer ludicrousness.
You.
I made you baby girl,
Maybe we forgot that little detail.
But I made you.

I was the golden girl.
You were just a sidekick.

But I was also a lonely girl.
a very lonely girl.
You stuck around long enough for me to become vulnerable.
Everybody was fooled.
Hell, I was fooled.

But thank you, baby girl.
Now you’ve taught me a lesson.

 

 

YENI.